


Lily of the Valley

by Aisu_Inoue



Category: Hey! Say! JUMP
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Flower Shop, Angel/Human Relationships, Angst, Fantasy, Florists, Homophobic angel, I don't even know how to tag bcos this story is complicated af, I'm Bad At Summaries, I'm literally bad at everything, Lame sense of humor, Language of Flowers, M/M, Romance Comedy, Slight fluff, and too long, and too many genres tbh
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-11
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-04-24 18:37:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19179103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aisu_Inoue/pseuds/Aisu_Inoue
Summary: An angel was thrown on earth but he didn't know why he was there.





	1. Burglar?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kei_Tea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kei_Tea/gifts).



> Hi!  
> Actually, this fic supposed to be one-shot, but as I started writing, I don't think it's suitable to be called as one-shot when it's 25k+ words long. Plus, there will be lot more plots to be added, so I hope you'll read it! I promise, I wrote the chapters until at a point where you can call it as a 'happy ending' so, at least I didn't leave the story hanging. Lol. 
> 
> Honestly, I really don't know what kind of story should I write for you since you gave me lots of freedom, and plus, the only story I had in mind was a cliche one, which, I don't feel like writing that, so I wrote this one instead! I'm sorry that this story might not what you expect it would be. 
> 
> I also tried to include your preferences in the fic! You might can't see it now, but... you'll see as the story progresses. ;)
> 
> Hope you'll enjoy the fic!!

Love is unexpected. 

 

It comes when the heart expects the least, to the most unexpected person, at the most unexpected time. You may tell yourself, ‘this love may be wrong because it happens too fast’. It may be wrong because… it was like a dream come true. Just like the fairy tales tell you; love doesn't need preparations.

 

And you guess for sure-- that's not going to happen in reality. 

 

Or so you think.

 

Then, it does happen in reality, but your heart wavered, doubtful. You need more time, you’re not ready.

 

But.

 

Listen to your heart, it will never go wrong, as the heart knows its home.

 

Believe in your instincts, they give you the best advice. They bring you to the best people.

 

True love need not to be found—yet, it will come to you in the time of need. 

 

Have you heard?

 

Soulmates are souls that made a promise to meet each other in the next life. That promise was said to be pure and divine, as there was no darkness tainting their hearts. That power brings them together in this world, and never would it be broken, no matter if it is separated by distance, age or _worlds_.

 

_“I have given the quest for love. Because hopefully love will find me one day. Totally unexpected, astonishing and breathtaking.”_

_-NMC-_

 

 There was an unfamiliar, soft lavender scent.

 

Unfamiliar cold, hard floor.

 

Brows twitched as the cold temperature of the floor finally reached his face, disturbing the sleep he had for a few days.

 

An alarm clock rang.

 

It reminded him of home, but he’s no longer on earth, no longer home.

 

The distinct sound of an alarm was loud, continuous and distressing; uncertainty surfaced from the midst of unsettling sound that hits his ears.

 

It was usually from the earth but well, he's not on earth now

 

_Or is he?_

 

“EARTH!?” his heart screamed.

 

The sunlight that slipped through the windowpanes enters into vision, eyes squinted as soon as his eyelids were open.

 

"Oh. My. God."

  
  
He couldn't believe his eyes. The coldness of the tile seeping up to his skin seemed unreal. As he opened his eyes he was greeted with a strange, new environment—nothing like the stark whiteness of his normal workplace where the only decoration was his well of wishes. Blinking the room came into further focus  to discover he was in a wide apartment, and now he realized there was very little space to move due to the scattered clothes and undisposed trash in the living room. His skin crawled, fingers itching to clear away the clutter, his mind screaming in discomfort at how messy this condo was.

 

_Holy crap, what kind of person lives like this? A hoarder? That’s a thing right, yeah, but no…those people usually collect things they’re attached to…and unless this person finds comfort in keeping unwashed dishes in the sink for days, beer dripping on the floor unwiped, then that’s definitely not the situation here._

 

Thankfully, he landed in front of the front door; which was the only place that was completely empty from any of the scattered clothes.

 

He wanted to pick up one of the clothes, but judging by the smell of sweat that overwhelms the whole condominium, he cancelled the thought.

 

Nope, nope. Not going to stain his angelic hands… after all what's the point of being an angel if you have to do dirty work.

 

"Okay, now. Where's the alarm?" he uttered, half sighing. 

 

There was something in his heart that made him feel like he couldn’t stay still. His feet itches to move—seemingly that he was in a state of panic. The thought why he was here, the thought that he’ll meet a human unprepared were making him… nervous.

 

The sensation of the hard floor on his feet were giving him clues of what would happen; and he will never be prepared, when he couldn't even remember why was he here in the first place.

 

He sighed again.

 

An angel like him shouldn’t feel _emotions,_ it’ll affect his work as a wish-granter. That’s what he thought.

 

The unsettling feeling in his chest was disturbing and he pushed down the desire to stab until it stops.

 

Though, the pain receptors imbedded in his body wouldn’t allow him to harm himself, and he had no choice but to deal with it.

 

He needed to discover why he was here, but first things first. If he hoped to retain even a small amount of his hearing or, more importantly, his sanity then that annoying alarm clock that disturbed his slumber earlier needed to stop ringing!

 

Out of three doors in the apartment, only one of them was opened-- and the room beyond it was where the noise was coming from. Tip-toeing to avoid making any noise (and from stepping any of the clothes which he doubted its cleanliness) he slowly made his way to the only ajar door.

 

A raven-haired man, wrapped by the warmth of the white blanket on the queen bed, was sleeping soundly despite the ear-deafening alarm beside him. The man's sleeping form was facing toward the window across the room, preventing him from seeing his face.

  
So, he kept tip-toeing finally reaching the bedside table where he found that the completely annoying alarm he'd been hearing was produced by the phone laying on the surface. Just when he was about to reach out, hands were just a few inches away from the buzzing modern phone …

 

"Aaaaah!!!"

 

The man that he thought was in deep slumber, suddenly shrieked loudly, causing the trembling angel to let out the highest pitch of scream along.

 

Exasperated, the angel threw his hands up, “what the _frick_?! Can you shut up?! You’re scaring me too!”

 

The man wanted to say something regarding the situation, but due to shock, he didn’t utter a single word. Only his chest continued to go up and down, surprised.

 

“You…”

 

The half-awakened man tried to utter some words but his attempt was met with the penetrating thick smell of alcohol that finally kicked in once the man opened his mouth and the clean freak angel… did not appreciate it.

 

“Uff…” swiftly, his hands shifted from his hips to his nose, pinching it in order to prevent any horrific smell penetrating his nose any longer. “… can you shut up for a moment? Your mouth stinks.”

 

_Gosh, the combination of smell of morning saliva and alcohol is the worst._

 

He was known as an angel of grace and beauty back in the heaven realm -- _or more precisely, a clean freak_ \-- and he always avoid being around humans that reeks of alcohol. Nope. Usually he will swap his job with somebody else, avoiding filthiness at all costs.

 

Ah, and one more mistake that he felt like slapping himself in the face.

 

How the fuck did he forgot to check whether the man was sleeping or not before approaching the alarm? Now he had to deal with a human freaking out because of a sudden presence of a stranger in his room...not that he'd blame him, but still he wasn't in the mood to deal with this nonsense.

 

"A- are you a burglar?"

 

The caramel-haired angel was stunned by the question, before burst out laughing. The truth was, it was commonly known that humans will spout out weird and unusual things when they can't think straight--so the angel assumed the question probably came from the man's half-conscious mind.

 

Usually, unprepared situations like this would make him panic, but because of this human’s stupid question, he was able to finally get a grip on himself.

 

“You’re a funny one,” he shook his head as he let out a small chuckle. 

 

"This is my first time seeing someone asking a person that _might_ be a burglar if he _is_ a burglar," he continued with his giggle. "Your stupidity amazes me."

 

"Shut up! I'm going to report you to the police!"

 

"Oh, half naked? Bold move. They might think you're the burglar instead, his laughter echoing even louder in the apartment.

 

The human groggily stood up from the bed and looked down at himself, a slightly bloated stomach and a pair of grey baggy pants in view.

 

The angel caught a glimpse of the man’s ears, red with embarrassment, and he was sure that this man might be having withdrawal symptoms from alcohol.

 

"You're coming with me."

 

The human reached over to grab his grey sports hoodie, dragging it on as he approached the angel who had not moved, "You're coming with me." 

 

When he reached to take the caramel-haired angel's hand, it was as if he was not even real, like he was just a projected picture. His eyes widened as his hand moved through his form when he tried in vain to reach for him again.

 

Or more precisely, it was as if, he was just a picture projected from a projector. His eyes widened by the view, tried to reach him again but in vain.

 

Nothing. Like touching thin air.

 

The angel stared up at the man, his eyes wide as well, his expression surprised, “Eh?!”

"A-a g-ghost?!"

 

Both had their heart beats fast, and the white-clothed angel could see his face starting to darkened in fear.

 

It’s weird, angels should be touchable by humans if they are visible to them in the naked eye. Why was he untouchable?

 

He bit his lips, deep in thought while eyeing the raven-haired man in front of him.

 

The human’s eyes travelled around the room, searching for something; to expel this said 'ghost' from his view. His intentions were clear, eyes darting back to the angel when he spoke up,

 

"Just drop it. It won't affect me."

 

"Drop what?"

 

"Your idea in searching for the cross."

 

The way the man gulped and the look in his eyes made the angel laugh even harder. His expression looked as if he was going to be doomed very soon, and he can't help but feel like teasing this man a little bit more.

 

"Can you calm down… I'm not a ghost."

 

"Then, what exactly are you if I can't touch you..?"

 

"An invisible burglar." the angel replied while curving a joking smirk.

 

The taller one replied with an annoyed, serious look, fed up with his non-stop teasing.

 

"Stop it, will you? I'm serious!"

 

Sighing, the angel sat on the messy bed, his eyes drawn to the window where he studied the blue sky, smirking as he patted the empty space beside him for the man to join him, "If you want to know, sit here. It's going to be a long storytime."

 

"Oh, no. I'm not going to sit there unless you tell me what are you."

 

"Well, if that's what you want," he gave the uneasy man a smirk, hands folded, "Try guessing."

 

"A ghost?"

 

"I've told you, I'm not."

 

"Satan?"

 

"Uff, do I look like one? But Satan wouldn't come unless you summon him with that star-shaped thingy and some blood."

 

"is that even true though?"

 

"Why not give it a try?"

 

"No, thank you. Having you is scary enough as it is."

 

The man drowned in his own thoughts again, brows twitching, raising his thumb to his chin as he considered what kind of being this might be. His withdrawal symptoms made his brain a little bit foggy, everything seems not making any sense.

 

"... uh. A grim reaper?"

 

"If I am, you should be dead by now."

 

He retreated back in his thoughts again. 

 

_What is it though?_

 

He had this one particular answer, but he purposely kept the answer for the last because he thought it wouldn't be it.

 

"... an angel?"

 

"Ting, ting!! Correct!"

 

"... What? Are you for real?"

 

“Why the fuck would I lie?”

 

“Oh wow. A cursing angel.”

 

“Not all angels are as goody two shoes in those children storybooks that you read. Sorry to disappoint you.”

 

Despite his attention to the sunrise outside , he could hear the steps towards him. But he stopped halfway. The human still had his doubts.

 

“How can I know that you are one, and you’re not lying to me?”

 

The angel turned his attention on the figure beside him, still a few feet away. His stare into his eyes were full of curiosity and doubts, fascination but also fear at the same time and he couldn’t help but take this man’s question seriously.

 

“Okay, first thing. Don’t freak out when I show you,” 

 

A nod.

 

“Second thing, I can’t make any wish come true because I’m on earth. Got it?” 

 

“Then… if you’re in… heaven, you could?”

 

“Not heaven, really. That place is only for souls from earth, and angels do their work at separate places, like a garden outside the heaven and etc. We're not supposed to be interfering their peaceful time there.”

 

“Oh…"

 

"You have more questions?"

 

The taller one shook his head in silence, anticipating the proof that he promised. 

 

"Alright. Here goes." The angel nodded. 

 

It was slow, unnoticeable at first glance. But as time passes, and the sunrise was getting higher up in the sky, he could finally decipher the image in front of his eyes; wings.

 

White, feathery wings. 

 

Too beautiful to be true, yet the presence of a beautiful silhouette in front of him proves that it was. 

 

"Wow."

 

Mouth agape in amazement as he took steps towards the angel. Unaware-- as if there was a force drawing him in-- he tried reaching out to the wings, to know how it feels in his hands, to know how soft the wing's feathers of an angel would be, but again-- it was like touching thin air; nothing. 

 

By then, he finally snapped out to reality and realize that he couldn't even touch the angel at the first place, and now reaching out to them as if he never knew about that fact? Made him feel like wanting to jump out of the window out of shame. 

 

The thin line on his face turned into a frown as soon as his intentions were not met. 

 

"You alright there, bud? Finally snapping out from your fantasy?"

 

The angel asked jokingly, chuckled as the raven-haired man retracted his hand, cheeks red.

 

"Nah, don't worry about it. Humans does that everytime." he reassured. Trying to calm down the redness on the human's cheeks. 

 

 _I saw this scene every single time whenever I reveal myself to a human but he is just too cute. Yup, too cute._ He thought. 

 

"... though it's kinda weird why you couldn't touch me. Because in most cases, if the angels are visible on the human's naked eye, they can be touched as well, but I don't know why you still can't."

 

"Wait, I'm supposed to be able to touch you?" asked the latter, as he slowly place himself beside the angel that was retracting his wings. 

 

"Yeah. That's what supposed to happen. But right now, I can't even seem to remember how I am here and for what purpose I'm being sent here-- to a human. Usually, angels would be sent to humans _only_ when it is necessary for the angels to meet them."

 

"Like?"

 

"If their lives were in danger, as an example, we would need to help them to get out of the danger. That's why we were given temporary ability to touch humans when we are visible to them."

 

"Can they recognize that the ones they met were angels?"

 

"Nope, because we look like a normal human when we are visible to them. We don't stretch our wings out unless we need to use it."

 

By a sudden thought, the round-eyed angel turned his attention from the white wall to the human beside him; gazing into his eyes as he continued, asking. "Did you wish something… Uh...--"

 

"Yuto. Nakajima Yuto."

 

"... Yuto. Did you wish something? Maybe that's the reason why I'm here?"

 

"Hmm…" The taller one folded his arms. "I don't think so. If I did, you would come here since a long, long time ago."

 

"Did you wish something back then?"

 

"Yeah." His eyes were no longer staring back to the angel. As if he tried to avoid something. Something very deep. 

 

"But that's not important anymore. Not that I need it now anyway." Yuto curved a painful smile. 

 

There was silence between them for a short moment, the shorter one was unable to mouth any words. He never have to deal in this kind of situation before; humans avoiding to tell their own wish. Guess he was stuck in the heaven realm for too long that his communication skills were getting rusty. 

 

"So, how long you'll be here?"

 

A break of silence, a change of topic, but the angel let it slide. Not that it was necessary to know his secret, for now. 

 

"Not sure either. Unless I know why I'm here, I can guess for how long."

 

"So you'll be stuck here until you finally remember?"

 

"Maybe?"

 

Yuto relaxes his back on the bed as a sigh escaped his lips, both arms folded under his head, serving as a pillow.

 

"Looks like I have to babysit an angel from now on."

 

"Excuse me, sir. _I'm_ the one babysitting you. I don't need to sleep, eat or bath like you do. So shut up."

 

"Okay, okay. Geez, calm down. I'm just joking." Yuto lets out a small chuckle as he continued. "Since we're going to live together from now on, I should know your name. Calling you, 'you' all the time would be awkward."

 

"What's wrong with that? 'You' sounds fine to me."

 

"But-"

 

"Nah, just kidding. Just call me Yamada."

 

"Oh wow. That's a... pretty generic name."

 

"I know."


	2. A new perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamada followed Yuto to his workplace and learned a new thing about earthlings-- and himself.

The swaying sign hanging on the front door of the shop left the unseen angel stunned. 

 

_ ‘Fleuriste’. _

 

Invisible to the people’s naked eyes except Yuto’s, people passed through his very figure like he was never there. So, there he stood, unbothered, while the taller one entered the small shop without noticing the other one was not following him anymore. 

 

“Yuto, you’re…” Yamada called out to him from outside the shop, half shouting.

 

It was spring, the temperature outside was just right; not too cold nor too hot, which was the perfect season for flowers to grow. As a matter of fact, it was also Yamada’s favorite season of the year. He would come down to earth only to see the bed of flowers blooming in this transitory season between hot and cold. For him, nothing really catches his eyes whenever he came to earth, except this one particular flower that gave him the feeling of serenity and pleasure. 

 

He actually had no reason to be on earth except to grant humans’ wishes, so he rarely came because nothing was as beautiful as heaven. Yet there was this one beautiful flower that he was attracted to. That flower only existed on earth, which was the sole reason he would be there  just for leisure-- to search for the flowers and relax himself within its vicinity.

 

Yamada didn’t know why he was attracted to that one specific flower. The only thing he knew is that he always found himself smiling whenever the flower was around, and everything seems to be so peaceful, beautiful and pure for whatever reason. He asked the other angels regarding the matter but none could provide him with an answer, because none felt the same as him. 

 

“Yamada? You called? Why are you still outside?”

 

Yuto’s voice woke him up to reality. 

 

Wow, he never thought that he would be this surprised seeing Yuto was actually a florist despite his messy condominium. 

 

“Uh... I never thought you run a flower shop,” Yamada replied, as he stepped into the building while Yuto holding the door to let him in. 

 

"Huh? Why?"

 

"You can't even take care of yourself, how could you even take care of these flowers?"

 

"Uff. Burn."

 

It was just a small shop, yet everything was arranged so neatly. Floors were swept clean and windows were dust-free. People wouldn’t believe him if he told them that Yuto was actually a mess at home, because the flower shop’s vibe were completely different than it was at the condominium. Peaceful-- like the flower that he loved. 

 

A narrow, yet long passage of flowers that ends at the exit door was in vision as soon as he opened the front door. The flowers were displayed starting from small to big ones, from pale to bright colours; as if those were arranged with passion and love-- with the intention not only to sell them, but also to appreciate its grace and beauty. The sunshine that was reflected on the big glass windows, covering the upper half of the walls, were radiating their exquisiteness. 

 

Everything was perfectly aligned, complementing the beauty of the flowers. The sight before him was so breathtaking, that his jaw nearly dropped. 

 

Yamada stood there motionless again, completely blown away with the sight before him. His attention focused solely on the colourful plants as he walked through the passage and surveyed every single flower, completely ignorant towards the shouting by the taller one beside him.

 

“... Earth to Yamada!”

 

"E- eh?! You called, Yuto?" Yamada finally snapped out from his own world when he saw a shovel had gone through his body-- and geez, it nearly gave him a heart attack there-- even though he knew he won't die anyway if the shovel had gone through him. 

 

"Yes." the human stepped beside him, eyes on the flowers that the angel just looked upon, "You were ignoring me when I called you just now, so I had to take the shovel and at least, uh-- " Yuto moved his hands in a poking motion as he continued, "... poke you with it so you'll hear me?"

 

His lips curved a funny smirk, and Yamada couldn't help but smile.

 

"You look dumb, you know that?" 

 

"I know. I hear that everytime."

 

"Sheesh. You can be confident at the worst statements."

 

"Well, they say I  _ look _ dumb, not 'dumb' dumb, you got me?"

 

"Haha. You got a point there."

 

A bell at the front door chimed, and both of their attention quickly turned to the source of the sound. 

 

“Oh. Welcome.” greeted Yuto with a warm smile, and the woman, dressed in white replied with the same gesture. 

 

The eyes of the shorter one followed his movements, tentatively eyeing every single thing he did. Despite his stare, Yuto continued to do his work and proceeded in searching for the flower that the female wanted. He swiftly grabbed a pair of shears, approached the white flower section while the angel finally followed his steps instead of only staring at him moving around. 

 

Yamada kept silent as Yuto pulled out some flowers from a small vase and cut the ends of it, once the flowers that he searched for was in sight. He needed only a short amount of time to arrange the flowers in a bouquet before handing it to the customer. She handed some money, before the bells of the front door chimed again, doors closed, signing that she left the shop. 

 

Once making sure that nobody was around, the curious angel finally opened his mouth to ask.

 

“She’s a regular? She didn’t even ask what flower she wanted yet you knew.”

 

“Yeah, she always buys flowers here. And it’s always the same flower, same colour. Since last year.”

 

“Wow. Didn’t she feel bored? Buying the same flowers in the same colour every single week?”

 

“Why would she feel bored, when she doesn’t even buy the flowers for herself?”

 

“What do you mean not for herself? Don’t usually humans buy flowers so they can decorate their houses or something? Especially females.”

 

“Well, not this female.” Yuto replied, slowly walking towards the same section that she took the flower from. “Have you heard ‘ _ Hanakotoba _ ’?”

 

“No. What is it about?”

 

“The language of flowers. We believe that every single flower has their own special meaning, and humans sometimes communicate just by exchanging flowers,”

 

“So, are you trying to say that the customer just now intended to give it to someone?”

 

“Correct.” He confirmed, as his point finger pointed to a group of petite, round, white flowers. “What do you think is the meaning of the flower? Just by judging by its appearance.”

 

“Hmm. Love?”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Unrequited love?”

 

“Nope, again.”

 

The angel bit his lips, frustrated. 

 

“Ugh, I don’t know. Just tell me what’s the meaning already.”

 

“Giving up already?” Yuto lets out a small chuckle, returning his attention to the same flower as he proceeds in giving Yamada a hint.  “White Camellias are usually used for funerals here.”

 

“Mourning then?”

 

“In a way. But there’s also another meaning for it.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“Waiting.”

 

"Waiting?"

 

“See that hospital over there?” he pointed to the highest building within the small town where the flower shop was located. “Her husband is there, still comatosed since last year.”

 

“Her husband’s not dead yet though.”

 

“Yeah, but she still waits for her husband to come back. She believes that he’ll return, that’s why she bought the flowers; to tell him that she will always wait for him. No matter how long he'll take.”

 

The human tilted his head towards Yamada, curving him a warm smile. “It’s fascinating, isn’t it? How flowers can be an unspoken message.”

 

"It really is." Yamada replied softly, the story told by Yuto touched every inch of his heart. 

 

Never had he encountered unspoken feelings, unspoken words. It’s a beautiful form of wish, a different ray of hope, a totally different perspective. Since angels could only grant spoken wishes, upon hearing this kind of story, it opened his eyes about the world where humans live. He still has a lot to learn from them. 

 

Gazing upon the white Camellia placed in front of Yuto, he uttered. "... There's no such thing as unspoken wish up there."

 

Yuto pursed his lips, letting Yamada continue his talking. 

 

"We can't listen to people's hearts. If they don't say it themselves, we can't grant their wish. Hearing there are people that can't say their own wishes because it hurts them so much, I… "

 

His hands moved to his heart, clutching the white fabric in his hand as tightly as he could. There was a slight heaviness in his heart, choking his breath around his neck. 

 

"... I felt useless."

 

It hurt him, how he, as an angel that should have been granting wishes to those that need it the most, couldn't do anything to those that were hurting in silence. 

 

"You're not, Yamada." Yuto denied. "Here."

 

The human pulled one of the vases within the row behind the white Camellias. "You remind me of this."

 

The angel had his eyes widened.

 

The same flower. 

 

"Lily of the Valley."

 

Both uttered the same name simultaneously. 

 

"You knew about this flower?"

 

"Yeah. The only reason I came down here besides granting people's wishes."

 

"Why?" asked Yuto, while placing the vase right beside the angel so he could watch it at a closer distance. 

 

"I… don't know. I simply love hanging around them."

 

"Is it common between the angels to love this type of flower?"

 

"No. It's only me."

 

Yamada's face inches closer to the flower, until the sweet-scented smell entered his nostrils. "Why does it remind you of me?"

 

"Because… to me, angels are a blessed existence. Even though they are not physically here, but their existence… give humans hope. Even if you can only grant spoken wishes. We knew that someday and somehow, our wishes will be granted."

 

This time, Yuto stared into his black orbs, serious. He knew, if he could be touched right now, Yuto might have been placing both of his hands on his shoulders. "You're our hope, Yamada. So, don't ever say you're useless."

 

_ Ba-dump.  _

 

Something was building up inside him, something that he didn't usually feel. 

 

"S-so, the meaning of this flower...?" questioned Yamada, trying to shove the weird feeling away. 

 

"...The promise of happiness."

 

Going against his wishes, the foreign feeling in his chest became more intense, his heartbeat became unusually faster. Yamada pulled away his stare on the taller one's orbs, cheeks starting to get warmer as he looked down. 

 

_ Dangit, Nakajima Yuto. What have you done to me? _


	3. Nightmare = Punishment?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the first time in Yamada's life, he slept and had a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning triggers: 
> 
> There will be Homophobia content below, please do not continue with this chapter if you are triggered with it!
> 
> (and I'm really sorry for those that have read it, I forgot to add the warning)

_ "You're punished!" _

 

The low-pitched, yet loud voice still echoed in his ears even though he finally woken up to reality. His hair was damp with sweat when his eyelids opened, while his heartbeat started to drop slowly when he realized he was not dreaming anymore. 

 

Yet. 

 

How could he fall asleep?

 

He wasn't supposed to fall asleep, or in other words,

 

He  _ shouldn't be able _ to fall asleep. 

 

_ "... I don't need to sleep, eat or bath like you do." _

 

"Oh, shut up." The angel scolded himself softly, slapped his own forehead, telling it to quiet down and erase the memory when he stated that.

 

Now, he had to eat his own words. 

 

A groggy voice from the bed hit his eardrums, awake from his deep slumber. 

 

"Yamada?"

 

Yamada looked at the round clock on the wall as soon as he heard the voice, to make sure that Yuto shouldn't have been awake at this hour. He felt sorry for waking him up early, as he was the one that made the poor human slept a bit late from his normal schedule due to his never-ending nagging about the mess in his house. In the end, he cleaned up the whole condominium, added with some ear-torture from the shorter one from start to finish.

 

4.00 in the morning. 

 

“Did I wake you up?"

 

"Not really," the taller one slowly placed himself in a sitting position with eyelids half-closed. "I can't really sleep."

 

"Insomnia?"

 

"Not really. I tried not to take any sleeping pills, but well, I can't just sleep well without them, I kept on waking up at night." murmured Yuto, rubbing his sleepy eyes while the other hand still clutching the white blanket that was covering his body. "And you?"

 

"I had a nightmare."

 

"Oh."

 

"Oh? You're not surprised?"

 

"Should I be surprised? Isn't it common for humans to get nightmares?" asked Yuto half-asleep, yawning loudly. He still didn't realize that there was something unusual happening to the angel before him. 

 

"... The problem is, Yuto, I'm not human."

 

"What's wrong with that?"

 

"I can't  _ fucking _ sleep you idiot."

 

"Oh, I just remembered." replied the taller one casually as he yawned one more time. "So, again. What's wrong with you being able to sleep? You're turning into a human or what?"

 

"I don't know. What if… ?"

 

" 'What if' what?"

 

Yamada that previously sat on the floor, hastily moved towards Yuto, trying to ease the countless ideas in his head on what might be happening. The bed sheets rustled as the angel climbed onto the bed, and finally this time, Yuto recognized that there was something strange happening to the angel. 

 

Realizing he could finally interact with earthly objects, Yamada stopped in his tracks, hands groping frantically on whatever that he could touch; pillows, bed sheets, blankets. Yuto, sitting just a few inches away, could clearly see the look on the angel's face; the widest grin was visible on his face, filled with excitement and joy, and he can't help but stare lovingly by the sight before him. 

 

Bit by bit, the human was fascinated by every little thing that the angel does; how graceful he was when he brushed his caramel hair aside, how delighted he looked when the angel could finally feel the softness of the blanket. Why just he realized that this angel had the most charming smile, ever? Do angels always act this cute whenever they could interact with earthly things? 

 

"Yuto! I could finally touch these things!!" Yamada exclaimed, curving him the widest grin. Both hands gripped tightly onto the fluffy white blanket, as if he wouldn't let go. His reaction was like an excited kid, enthusiastically accepting the candy cane.

 

"O-oh! Congrats! Is this a good sign though?" asked Yuto, returning the excitement. 

 

"Nope."

 

"Huh? Why do you look so excited if this wasn't a good sign?"

 

Yamada pulled his hand away, placing them both on his knees as he gave Yuto a serious look. 

 

"The nightmare I had-- it was my mission."

 

Upon seeing the shorter one turning serious, Yuto couldn't help but had to follow. He straightened his back, properly facing Yamada. "You finally remembered?"

 

"Yeah." He nodded, but that's it. Silent. He didn't continue his words. Seemingly, there was something that he wanted to say but he held himself back. So, Yuto tried to probe the secret out of him. 

 

"So. What's the mission?"

 

The angel still kept his lips pursed. 

 

"Yamada?"

 

"... I have to get along with someone."

 

"Someone?"

 

"Yeah. Someone."

 

"Is it me?"

 

"Not really."

 

"So, who?"

 

The raven-haired man could see the angel before him was gritting his teeth, reluctant to say the next words. 

 

"... someone gay." 

 

It was so soft, hesitantly answered by the other. But, it was audible enough for the human to hear his answer. 

 

"Huh? Did you say… someone, gay?"

 

"Ugh, YES! SOMEONE GAY! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT?!" 

 

The angel snapped, and Yuto jumped back a little, surprised by the unexpected fury. His face was red, chest going up and down from the sudden burst of anger while Yuto remained speechless, his arms instinctively moved into a position to defend himself.

 

"Put your hand down, Yuto. You make me look as if I'm going to attack you."

 

"I'm surprised, for fuck's sake! You sound like you're about to tear my head off, I can't help it!"

 

"How can I even tear your head off when I can't even touch you?!" 

 

Yamada was about to hit his shoulders, the human closed his eyes in fear, ready for the impact before the angel 's hands disappeared into Yuto's body when it reached his shoulder blades. He repeatedly tried to hit him again and again, but nothing really happened. Just maybe some shift of air particles that he couldn't see.

 

"See!"

 

"Eh?" Yuto's arms started to roam around his own body as he sighed in relief. "I'm alive?"

 

"Yes, you are. You should be thankful I still can't touch you. Or else, I might have to drag you to heaven with me, or better, I might just drop you to the pits of hell."

 

"If I am dead. By the hands of an angel. Shouldn't I be dragged to heaven instead of hell?"

 

"Yeah, but it's an exception for you. Consider yourself lucky."

 

"Uh… I don't want to be lucky in that sense. And also, what did I do that pisses you off?!"

 

"Because you--"

 

"Because you have to deal with someone gay like me?!"

 

"Yea-- what?!"

 

"I'm gay."

 

"Shit."

 

"That's it? That's your reaction?"

 

"Yuto," The angel massaged his head with his index finger, eyes shut, breathing deeply, before pointing to the taller one, looking at him in disbelief. "...you're kidding me, right?"

 

"Why would I joke about that? I'm proud of my sexuality,"

 

"Oh, for the love of god." A deep breath. "I'm done with you. I'm done!!"

 

At first, Yuto tried to chase after Yamada that left the bed, but after seeing him fell, knocking himself over against the bedroom door, he laughed a little, before he asked the angel again out of the blue. The scene before him made him remember something, something that he forgot to ask.

 

"Yamada?"

 

"What-- ouch!"grunted Yamada, rubbing his stinging, red forehead.

 

“What is the connection between you getting to touch with earthlings and your mission?”

 

The room was silent, and the air between them was tense, tense enough to make the human feel nervous on what Yamada had to say. He knew that he should not be poking his head around everyone else’s business, but his curiosity overtook his reasonings when it comes to this petite angel. He didn't know why.

 

Yamada remained tight-lipped, eyes still blankly staring on the wooden floor, leaving the raven-haired man to start having thoughts to just ignore the question and pretend it never happened. Yet, when he opened his mouth to speak, the being in front of him spoke;

 

“When angels can start touching earthly things, it shows that they are slowly becoming one of the earthlings: human. Touching a human is the last stage of becoming an earthling, so if I can start touching them, that means I have already lost all of my powers, and I can never return to heaven.”

 

“Even if you have finished your mission?”

 

"No. We have a time limit to finish our mission. The longer we stay on earth, the more likely we will inherit human traits. If we stay on earth for too long and we still haven't finished the mission, we'll be on earth, forever."

 

"So, that means, if you finish your mission within the time limit, you can go back?

 

Yamada nodded, followed with furrowed eyebrows, his expression was dark. “Agh! Just because I hate gays, I could lose everything!” The angel ruffled his hair in frustration, ranting his heart out, totally ignoring the existence of the human beside him.

 

The taller one folded his arms, thinking deeply. “What’s your mission again, Yamada?”

 

“To get along with a gay person.” stated Yamada, emotionless. Face making the ' I-give-up' look. "I am being punished to get along with gays because I  _ hate _ them."

 

Honestly, the mission was laughable, and seeing how miserable Yamada looked-- for someone that loves goofing around, he usually would be the person that would be laughing his ass off. But witnessing him spacing out most of the time, miserably thinking about his mission, he didn’t have the heart to do so and gulped his laughter down, even though he really wanted to do it. 

 

"Why not we try to get along? We can finish the mission together!" Yuto extended his hand out to the shorter one, curving him a warm smile. Completely forgotten about one important thing. 

 

Dumbfounded, the angel only stared at the hand extended to him, giving it an empty look before he stood up without taking it.

 

"I appreciate the gesture but, did you forget again that we still can't touch each other?" questioned Yamada, lips curving a smirk as he finally opened the bedroom door when he went out.

 

Most importantly, not knocking himself over this time. 


	4. Worth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning:
> 
> There will be a slight mention of Homophobia content below, I promise it's only a line! 
> 
> The other ones are okay to read!

"Yuto, Yuto!!!!"

 

"What?!" replied Yuto, eyes still glued to the book he pulled from the self-care section, just a few feet away from the children's section-- where Yamada was busy opening the pop-up books scattered on the table beside the shelves. 

 

Thankfully , it was early Thursday morning where people are already busy working and students are starting their lessons in schools. The ones around were mostly university students studying for an exam or housewives searching for cookbooks, fortunately leaving the whole self-care and children section all to themselves. This made them worry less that people would strangely stare at Yuto like he was a mad person talking to the air.

 

"Here, look at this book!! There's something popping up in here!!" Yamada shouted without a care in the world, trying to direct Yuto’s attention to his new discovery.

 

Witnessing the pictures popping up from the storybooks fascinates the angel; how the paper folded beautifully to fit in the book without making it even stuffier. Never had he encountered such eye-catching books throughout his life. All he saw were thick, dull, small fonts books about romance or magazines containing news about celebrities that he never cared about. 

 

The taller one placed the book back to its original position once he heard the calling, steps quick, lips curving a small smile. This angel was so adorable when he discovered something new. He should do this often, he thought. 

 

Closing the flower shop on a weekday seemed like a bad idea but since his phone decided to switch off on its own, it made it hard for him to communicate with the fertilizer supplier. He had to come to the capital of Japan in order to fix his phone that was still in a warranty, for free since he could only claim the warranty from the main centre-- which only located in Tokyo.

 

Besides, Yamada had been staying with him for awhile now, and he has never stepped to a big city like Tokyo before, so bringing him along would--at least-- make his day less boring in some way?

 

Upon seeing the wide grin spread across the angel's face, he knew that he had made the right choice. 

 

Yamada was flipping the last page once Yuto reached his side, but his hands flipped the pages back to the first one, just to show how fascinating the book was to him.

"Yuto, why have I never seen this book throughout my life here? This is just-- so beautiful. How did they do this?"

 

"Yamada, you're just here for a month. Your entire life here is like-- only the whole month?"

 

"Uh-uh, excuse me, sir. Doesn't mean I'm an angel, I'm stuck at heaven my whole life. I  _ do _ come here once in a while."

 

"Okay, how long is your 'once-in-a-while', sir?" Yuto lifted one of his eyebrows, curving a smirk.

 

"1 minute up to 30 minutes." The angel hesitantly replied, eyes back to the new pop-up book he just fetched from the other side of the table, flipping one by one slowly, enjoying the content. Trying so hard to ignore the truth that came out from his own mouth. 

 

"That doesn't even count as a day or even an hour here!'"

 

"Yeah, but it's already a day in heaven!!"

 

"30 minutes?"

 

"Y-yeah!"

 

The taller one chuckled upon hearing the reply as he saw nervousness resonated from his facial expressions. "Are you sure? Isn't it supposed to be the opposite?"

 

His fingers finally stopped flipping, stunned by the answer as he nervously glued his eyes on the page without giving a single glance towards Yuto.

 

"...How did you know?"

 

"Oh, I got it right? You're so easy to read!"

 

"You--" The shorter one pushed his left shoulder jokingly, "I hate you."

 

"I never said I like you."

 

"Ugh!" A soft kick on his waist. "I despise you."

 

"That's basically the same?" said Yuto as he giggled a little more. 

 

"That had a little more degree of hatred in there, I don't care what you say.”

 

“See? You basically don’t know grammar.”

 

"Oh, shut up! Just let me enjoy these books in peace. Shoo! Shoo!" Yamada was gesturing the human to go away but Yuto continued to giggle, purposely to irritate the angel more. Thankfully, the shorter one had another book in his hand to keep his attention away from the joker, and he finally gave up when Yamada didn’t give any reaction towards his giggling.

 

“Oh, Yamada. By the way, let’s go to the phone store? It should be open by now.”

 

“Oh? It’s 10 already?”

 

“Yeah,” Yuto replied, eyes on the Swatch watch he had since his teenage years; 10.05 a.m.

 

“Sure. But first--” a hardcover book titled  _ ‘Tanabata _ ’ was pushed towards him, eyebrows lifted in anticipation, “I need you to buy this book first.”

 

Even though Yuto wanted to give the angel a sarcastic reply, but as he lifted the arm-sized book in his hands up into his closer view, he knitted his eyebrows upon seeing the title, completely casting the thought away; “Tanabata? You’re interested in this kind of story?”

 

“Yeah, I mean, it’s an angel and a human crossover? It kinda peaks up my interest?”

 

“Because it’s kinda similar to our situation right now?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

The taller one stood up, ready to step towards the counter to pay for the book as he replied with a playful grin. “Do you know it’s actually a  _ love  _ story? Are you trying to fall in love with me or what?”

 

“Over my dead body!” Yamada followed his movements, while giving him a glare but with flushed ears, making the taller one laughed in silence seeing the angel all embarrassed, A-and I didn’t even know it’s a love story, you idiot. Who wants to fall in love with a joker like you?”

 

“Aww, that’s sad. Okay then. Let’s just leave this book here and pretend it never happened, okay?”

 

Yuto nearly placed the book on the table from where he previously was sitting, but the angel’s pleas stopped his movement, making his heart cackle-- or more precisely, and weirdly, jump in joy. “Okay, fine. I do not dislike you, human.”

 

“That’s… not what I actually meant but okay.”

 

“Nakajima Yuto!”   
  


“Oh wow, you actually remembered my full name--”

 

“Are you--” Yamada was already beet red when he finally realized what Yuto actually meant from his ‘deal’ “ Ugh. Fuck you.”

 

“I do not dislike you too~”

 

And that was enough to make the angel to leave the bookstore as soon as possible, completely pissed off, leaving the human laughing all alone. 

 

Yamada was never bothered with the temperature on earth since his hot and cold receptors were dull as soon as he reached the earth, yet this time he could feel the heat radiating from his own body as he fanned himself by using his clothes. 

 

So he took a stroll around the area, just to keep his mind off and calm his red cheeks down, while gazing at the area around him and studying the new culture in the world he was thrown into. But as he walked a little longer, straying further away from the bookstore, worry hits him as the foreign-- even more foreign than what he saw just now-- surrounding started to scare him. The people around him seemed quite normal, but as this place was not the place he used to live, and he has never stepped into this city before, going anywhere without Yuto would screw him up.

 

By then, he knew why he felt all unpleasant inside.

 

Yamada gulped down his own saliva, as if he tried to throw away his worry down. 

 

Did he just… lost Yuto in the heart of Tokyo?

 

Everything around him seemed so unfamiliar and scary; how people kept on bumping on each other's shoulders as they walked, footsteps were as fast as the trains that passed by above him, the short space between each person around him left him feeling breathless, opposite to the place where Yuto lived; peaceful and quiet. 

 

A moment before he lost the bookstore from his sight among the sea of people, he was fascinated by a boy from inside a small shop, around 8, that was twiddling his fingers with buttons that somewhat connected with the movement of a person in the TV screen. He just stood there, in awe, watching the boy having fun with the unfamiliar device in front of him, completely forgotten that he should be following Yuto at all times in order not to get lost at a new place.

 

"Jin!!" A female voice called out to their direction.

 

A female, wearing a long, beige dress, seemingly around her thirties approached their direction, her round eyes were a bit droopy from lack of sleep, steps rushed.  

 

"Yes, mom?" The boy replied, eyes still glued to the screen before him. 

 

The mother held the boy's hand, slightly pulling it when she finally reached him. "Stop playing now, we have to go!" 

 

"Okay, okay. Gimme a sec!"

 

"We don't have time! We need to catch the train!" She finally pulled the controller from his grip and placed it on the shelf right below the TV screen, unknowingly leaving the angel all by himself.

 

"But Mom! I nearly finished it!" and the rambling continued even when they finally left the place, leaving the curious angel with the unknown device, tempting his fingers to press all the buttons on the device that was similar to a remote. 

 

Yamada gazed around to see if he could have any clue what was the name of the device when he saw a piling stack of blue boxes beside the TV written 'PS4'. 

 

"PS4?" he thought. "This looks interesting."

 

Just when he was about to call Yuto to let him see what he just discovered, he finally remembered something. 

 

That he actually lost him.

 

And the funny thing was, he should be mad at Yuto right now.

 

"Oh, shit. What should I do now?"

 

The angel could only scratch his caramel hair in confusion, brows furrowed as he continued to stare at the static TV screen-- as if the black screen was reflecting his own brain; unable to operate. 

 

Giving up the idea of researching about the device, he stepped out of the shop half-heartedly as people kept on passing through him again, while he gazed around to search for the familiar figure that he lost. 

 

“Impossible,” he thought, as the number of people walking around the area increased from before he stepped into the shop, and now, making his current objective to search for Yuto became even harder. The urge of trying to ask around died down when his very being couldn’t even be seen nor touched, even when he tried waving his hand in front of a person that clearly looked into his direction but no reaction was emitted. 

 

The only thing that he could do was…

 

“Yuto!!!!” 

 

… to scream as loudly as he could, hopefully Yuto was near enough to hear his voice amidst the crowd. 

 

As usual, nobody was giving reaction to his screaming, and cars still passed by him even when he stood in the middle of the road. He called his name again and again, ran, losing his breath as he screamed his name again but no replies. 

 

And he felt somewhat… out of place.

 

But he kept the feeling down, and continue to search for Yuto.

 

This time, as he caught his own breath when he stopped running, a pang of sadness hit him. Was this how it would be if he didn’t meet Yuto? Nobody could hear him, nor laugh at him of how pathetic he looked. Nobody could scold him for his lame jokes nor react to his life story.

 

He felt it.

 

How lonely his world was.

 

Seeing every person occupied with each of them; laughing at their friend’s jokes, closing their ears when a friend screamed into their ears, arguing with a partner, he wanted to try all of those things. He wanted to be  _ heard.  _

 

So he ran again, in an attempt to search for Yuto again. The loneliness he felt when he entered into this world, the heaviness in his heart weighed his running down, his lungs begged for more air as he went even far from where he was lost. All of the loneliness, the pressure of clearing his mission, the voice that couldn’t be heard, an existence that couldn’t be touched, all of them fell on him, hard. A punishment given by the Archangel was tormenting him inside-- as if his well-being was nothing more than just dust in the air. 

 

It hurt him more than it should. 

 

Inhale, exhale. 

 

He took a deep breath once he stopped running, calming his heartbeat down as he hoped someone would call out his name once he stood. 

 

_ Just anyone _ .

 

For a moment, there was none. Only the shoutings from the stalls beside the road hit his eardrums. But before a sigh escaped his mouth, a familiar voice called out to him.

 

"Yamada!"

 

His heart skipped a beat. 

 

Someone  _ actually _ called his name out. 

 

"Yuto?"

 

Quickly, his head tilted to the direction of the voice and started to run. This time his running was not exhausting, but exciting. The heaviness in his heart slightly gone, he finally felt  _ belonged. _

 

The only person that knew about his existence, that laughs at his jokes, that was always hurt with his sarcasm and the only person that made him feel like he belonged, appreciated him in this world; Yuto. 

 

For the first time he was on earth, a human felt like home. 

 

Yuto, felt like home.

 

Steps were as light as a feather when he ran towards the voice, a wide grin spread across his face, relieved to find someone recognizing his presence. 

 

Yet, when he reached the source of the voice, his smile faded. 

 

It was not Yuto. 

 

Just a random male adult searching for a young teenager with the same name, and by the moment he reached their direction, they already found each other. 

 

"Where did you go, Yamada? It's dangerous around here, you know?!" the adult, around his twenties scolded the young male that was holding a vase, containing a flower that the angel recognized straightaway, making him stay and hear the conversation even further. 

 

"I went to the florist just now and bought this flower." he raised up the vase to the older other, heartily showing off his discovery.

 

"Isn't this flower is poisonous when eaten?"

 

"I didn't buy this to eat, idiot!"

 

"Then, what?"

 

The white-shirt boy that was holding the vase and stepped closer, half-whispering: "For my mom so she’ll wake up soon!!"

 

"Now, you're an idiot! Who believes in this kind of things these days?" replied his friend, completely uninterested. 

 

"Hey, why not just try? Hopefully it works!"

 

"You know, those kind of supernatural things like  _ angels,  _ never existed. No matter how much you wish for it, they won't listen because they were never there. You hear me? Save your time and work for it, don't wait for a non-existent angel to hear your wish. You'll never get it that way." The taller one replied with a sigh.

 

As if he was glued to the spot, he couldn't move, couldn't believe his ears. He thought…

 

"They exist! You're the one that refused to believe it!"

 

"Oh yeah? Then,why do you need to even buy this flower if they really hear you? If they did, your mom would wake up since last year. You won’t need to suffer like this for years."

 

The teenager brought down the Lily of the valley down to his waist, his face darkened, the grip on the vase tightened. Lips pursed as he was unable to say a word, a silence confirming the statement of the older one.

 

"See? They're nothing if they couldn't even grant wishes. All they do are sleeping and enjoying their time seeing us suffer. That's what they all do. Fucking useless."

 

The angel could feel his cheeks warm, hands forming into a fist. The statement infuriated him, he wanted to give the human a punch in the face and show that  _ he  _ is real. 

 

But what for? Even if he could prove that he exists, would that change the fact that he was useless? 

 

_ No.  _

 

His statement was the truth. There were still so many wishes out there that was not granted nor heard, yet he still complains about how busy his work was up there. He was too blind with his own leisure, prioritizing his own well-being that he didn’t get enough time to relax or would rather flirt with the female angels than wasting his time on humans--  when there were still people suffering,  _ for years, _ in his own hands _.  _

  
  
  


When he actually had the power to bring smiles to people faces, to lift the burden off their shoulders, but all he did was complain when he actually had the special chance, a wonderful job that every angel wanted.  __

 

How ignorant could he be that he was unable to see the consequences of his actions?

 

They were not wrong for not believing in their existence, and one day, the time when nobody believed that they ever existed comes, he would just disappear, without a name to be remembered, without a deed to be cherished. He would just be gone, without a trace; like he never existed. 

 

The thought scared him. The thought of disappearing without anyone ever remembering his name. 

 

Would he be like that?

 

Both figures were already leaving the alley when his consciousness was finally back, a crashing sound reverberated as they left, and Yamada already knew where the source of the sound judging from how deafening the sound were right beside his ear.

 

Resonated sound of hardened clay crashed towards the ground made him forget how to breathe. He didn't believe that. He didn't want to believe that there are people giving up hope on their existence. 

 

It was just unbelievable.

 

A familiar white flower in sight as soon as his gaze dropped to the ground, inhaling as deeply as he could to ease the sorrow dwelling in his heart. His lips trembled, but he bit them, not to let any sob escaping his lips. Though, tears continued to stream down his cheeks as the feelings were unbearable, overwhelming that he couldn’t just gulp it all in and pretended it never happened.

 

Meeting the two figures was more than just an eye-opener, it was more than just a slap across his face about how an angel's existence could mean nothing in someone's world; it was a punishment for him.

 

Feeling of existing but not seen nor heard already hurt him enough, and like adding salt to the wound, hearing that his existence mean nothing in someone's world, that someday he could disappear without anyone remembering him ever existing, the thoughts were like stabbing into the depths of his soul, and someone pulled it out and stabbed it again and again, without mercy, leaving him broken like shattered glass.

 

The sound of the trains passing by cut through the silence of the alley as the trembling hands of the angel picked up the flower that he cherishes the most, which had been thrown away like it was worth nothing. Like something that you could just pick up and throw away whenever you want.

 

Just like him.

 

Soon, as Yamada forced himself to stand, trembling as he walked, the feeling of shame hit him when he straightened his view to the road filled with people. 

 

As he stepped nearer to the road, the feelings intensed even more, negative thoughts running around his mind. 

 

What would Yuto react once he knew how awful he was as an angel?

 

Would he lose his faith and give up on him, would he say the words that he was unable to tell himself; that he actually deserve it?

 

The fragile flower was gripped tighter as his fingers shivered, cold. A presence to make him remember that he was stepping on earth and not the garden he used to live in. His steps when he finally back to the main, busy streets were aimless and slow, blankly moving around, as if he had nowhere to go.

 

A red traffic light stopping his steps and Yamada had his stare on the ground, spacing out as his mind kept on rewinding the scene that he just went through. The feeling lingered as he walked to the other side of the road, before his steps halted, abrupt as he finally snapped back to reality when he heard someone calling his name. 

 

The angel lifted his head, his stare blank, but once he saw the person he was searching for was standing before him, clutching the book he demanded earlier with a big smile on his face, tears started to flow again without him noticing, and that was enough to make the taller one panic, rushed to where he was standing in order to calm him down, question him to where did Yamada go to slipped out his mind.

 

Yuto quickly inserted his earphones to his ears after connected it to his Iphone, "Yamada, are you okay?"

 

He gazed around, fixing his earphones as he talked, as if he was talking to someone on the phone. Since nobody could see Yamada, that was the right thing to do in order not to raise suspicion so people would not mistakenly send him to a mental hospital when his mental health was perfectly fine. 

 

The angel pursed his lips, silent. He didn't know how to break it to him about his experience earlier. Yamada didn’t think he had the right to know because they were only both a human and an angel that got stuck together. Nothing more.

 

“Let’s... just go home,” murmured Yamada, avoiding Yuto’s question even though his swollen eyes were obvious enough to make the raven-haired man to worry. But he understood the gesture, knowing that he had some issues and just nodded when he answered, “Okay.”

 

Their trip home was awkwardly silent. No sarcasms, no jokes accompanied their journey like they used to. When Yuto expected him to greet him with a smile or a ‘Tsundere’ reply when he bought him the book like he asked, he didn’t. The words that he muttered was only a simple ‘Thank you’ accompanied with a half-hearted smile. Even when both of them were alone in the streets, not a single word uttered from his mouth and the angel kept looking away, avoiding eye-contact.

 

It made him wonder why he acted that way after being separated for a short while.

 

Just a second after he closed his condo's front door, he finally broke the question. 

 

"Yamada, what actually happened? Why are your eyes swollen? Did you cry?"

 

The shorter one was already switching on the TV as he sat on the couch, sighing. His stare bore onto the LED screen, leaving Yuto's question unanswered. 

 

"Yamada!"

 

"What?"

 

"What's wrong with you?"

 

"Nothing."

 

"Then, why are you acting like this?"

 

Replying with a sigh, he switched off the TV as soon as Yuto placed himself beside him, relaxing his sore back on the grey leather couch but still not exchanging eye contact with the human beside him.

 

“Let’s just talk about it later, okay?” he muttered, as he gave Yuto a glimpse of his swollen eyes before resting his head on his arms, lying down. “I’m sleepy.”

 

“Where did you go when I was getting my phone? What happened?” Yuto ignored his reply and continue to preach what’s inside his head. “You look… bothered, Yamada. You’re not acting like yourself.”

 

“You won’t understand.”

 

A lie. 

 

It was not because he won’t understand, but he just didn’t want Yuto to despise him after knowing the truth.

 

“Then, make me.”

 

The angel reluctantly raised his head as he straightened his back, before his downcast eyes greeted Yuto’s. 

 

“You don’t want to know--”

 

“I’m asking about it, aren’t I? Is that not enough?”

 

A heavy sigh escaped his lips again, momentarily silent, in deep thought. Contemplating whether he should open his mouth to speak or to keep his mouth shut. After a moment, Yamada finally opened his mouth, but it was not what Yuto wanted.

 

“... Forget it.” murmured Yamada before he decided to leave the puzzled human alone.

 

\--

 

The smell of morning dew entered his nostrils as soon as his feet stepped out from the main entrance of the condominium; his presence greeted by the cold breeze of the dawn. Lifting his head while gazing upon the deep blue sky, he halted his steps as he studied the scenery before him; a transition between the night and the day, signing that night is already over and it was time for dawn to come. 

 

Both of his hands were in his pants’ pockets as he continued to walk down the empty road, releasing warm breaths. The morning of a weekend at a rural area was always like this; empty and peaceful with less number of people walking around and no unnecessary noises like train tracks that would usually be noisy most of the time.

 

He decided to go out from the condominium all by himself since it was still dark outside, and he was sure that the exhausted human would prefer a longer sleep after going out to the city for nearly a day yesterday, so he continued wandering around in a slow pace, trying to clear his mind when he couldn’t shut his eyes at all last night and the chirping of the birds hanging on the trees, the fresh smell of the greens in the morning, somehow helped him to ease his anxiety down, relieving some of the burden in his heart. 

 

Thinking about his condition after being on earth for nearly a month as his eyes moved around, enjoying the tranquility of his surroundings, he started to develop human traits; going to sleep whenever night comes. It was not a good sign as he knew his time was nearly up, brain was still trying to figure out what was the exact mission he had to do since his conditions were getting worse and not getting any better even though he already befriended a human-- or  _ a gay, to be exact, _ which, not only putting his mission on stake, but also his love life.

 

To be honest, Yuto was a boyfriend material; a funny guy that will cheer up your days with his lame jokes, a caring boyfriend that will get worried if you fell sick, had the most beautiful smile that would cool you down when you’re angry -- except for the fact that he was messy and clumsy that  _ always  _ misplaced his shop keys and it would take him an hour to finally find the keys that was actually in his pocket.

 

But, Yuto was also the first person that ever taught him how earth works, how humans think and helped him to see a new perspective about life. He did so many things for him, let him live together with him even though he knew, he was annoyed with his non-stop nagging about his messy house, yet he never asked for anything or even complained about him disturbing his normal life as human; even a wish.

 

Yamada hates gays, but maybe it was an exception for Yuto. He would date him if he was a human. 

 

Maybe. 

 

He needed to figure something out so he could finish this mission-- or in other words, punishment.

 

As he walked down the streets, a familiar sound hit his eardrums, a memory clicked in his mind.

 

The chiming sound of a bell echoing throughout the quiet street attracted his instincts to approach the sound, and his eyes widened by the similar sight before him. Entering the garden with small but quick steps, he excitedly looked around; everything was still the same. From the antique street lights to the field of flowers beside a new-built greenhouse. The bell attached to the door to the greenhouse resonated in the tranquility of the garden, and he felt somewhat relieved after not being here after a very long time.

 

It was the very same garden he used to come over a long time ago, and he was delighted that he could find the place during his darkest hours.

 

Sense of familiarity leads him to the bed of flowers at the bottom of the largest tree in the garden; petite white flowers became vivid as he stepped closer, nostalgia came back, rushing to him as he sat cross-legged on the grass just to appreciate the flower in a closer distance.

 

As his fingers started to poke the petite flower, a question surfaced on the back of his mind;

 

Why did he felt so attracted to this flower? It didn’t have anything special related with angels but it kept getting his attention and actually successful in luring him to visit the earth more often.

 

“You’re here,”

 

He turned his head towards the direction of the voice.

 

Yuto, still in his night wear; grey hoodie and comfy baggy pants, yawning as he greeted him, seemingly he searched for Yamada right after he went out. The faint red colour on the sky showed that it was already sunrise, but he was still weirded out by how early Yuto awaken from his slumber.

 

Instinctively, the taller one placed himself beside the angel, following the same gesture as Yamada’s while eyeing the bed of Lily of the valley before him.

 

“Why are you up so early? Did I wake you up?” asked Yamada curious, worried that he would be a burden to the human.

 

“Nah. I saw the couch was empty, so I went searching for you.” Yuto replied while enjoying the sight before him, both kept their eyes away from each other. Nervous, but due to the very same reason; afraid of being hated. 

 

“You don’t need to. I won’t go anywhere.”

 

“But you look so down, I can’t help but be worried about you.” murmured the raven-haired man as his eyes met with the brown orbs of the angel, his facial expressions lightened but with a hint of surprise. Despite the reaction, Yuto still continued to say his thoughts. “But if you don’t want to say anything, I won’t ask--”

 

“You know right, that I love this flower?” Yamada cut his words, but he didn’t mind since he really wanted to hear him talk. His lips automatically shut to hear what the shorter one had to say, nodded as he continued to listen to his confession. “I saw someone buying this flower yesterday, but…”

 

“But?”

 

“They threw this flower away.”

 

“And it hurt you?”

 

Yuto could see the angel shook his head when he tilted his head towards him, pulled his hand away from the flowers as he laced his slender fingers together, replying; “No, but the reason they threw it, did.”

 

“Why did they throw it away?”

 

Yamada had words already lined up in his head yet, he couldn’t even utter a single word. Afraid that he would stumble upon his own words and messed up everything. The human could see his lips moved, itching to say something, but something was holding it in. So he tried guessing on his own, hopefully, the angel could finally said what he suppressed in his heart.

 

“Because the flower was useless?”

 

“No,” replied Yamada, short as he continued, “Do you remember that you associated me with this flower?”

 

Pulling one of the stems as he raised it up near his face, he murmured as he stared into Yuto’s black orbs, “You said… I was a hope, but… “ His hands fell to the ground, still clutching to the dear flower when he looked away, “... not everyone thinks that way.”

 

The angel had tears pooling up in his eyes, but he couldn’t let it out because of the presence beside him. He felt  _ vulnerable,  _ and he hated it. 

 

“Yama--” His arms reached out to the angel that already had his back facing him, but…

 

“With who are you talking with?” 

 

A small boy appeared out of nowhere when his words were cut by his question, leaving both of them stunned. Especially Yuto when his image was at stake, since Yamada couldn’t be seen with the naked eye.

 

“Uh… nah. I was- I was just practising my lines! Haha!” Yuto let out an awkward laugh as the boy stared at him, eyes squinted suspiciously with both of his hands on the waist. 

 

‘You’re not… crazy, aren’t you?”

 

He could feel his cheeks started to get warm as a stifled giggle hit his eardrums, the angel had already been hitting the tree trunk as his laughter continued, and Yuto had no choice but to pretend that nobody was there.

 

“O-of course!” replied the adult, still flustered. “Well, why are you here? Your mom might be searching for you,” he asked, trying to divert the boy’s attention to the flower instead of the awkward moment he just discovered, and as soon as the boy took the bait, his facial expressions lightened, relieved.

 

“My mom told me to take a look at the flowers.”

 

“Oh, is it for your school project?”

 

The boy, wearing a light blue shirt with short brown pants shook his head. “No. She told me to water the plants if there are any wilted flowers.”

 

Yamada that was standing a few feet away studied the face of the boy since he looked pretty familiar; like he saw him just recently. So he stepped closer when the boy sat on Yuto's lap as soon Yuto invited him to, the angel squatted beside Yuto to get a clearer view of the boy’s face.

 

At first, the boy hesitated since Yuto looked suspicious, yet when the adult pulled out a small candy from his pants’ pocket while curving him a big grin, he changed his mind.

 

His brows furrowed as he tried to figure out who was the boy before him, the familiar figure had his interest peaked. "Yuto, can you ask what is his name?"

 

The raven-haired man didn’t flinch upon hearing the question, but as he let the boy sat comfortably on his lap, he did exactly what Yamada asked like it was the most natural thing in the world, “Little guy, what’s your name?” while fixing the boy’s messy bangs.

 

“Jin,” this time he finally looked into Yuto’s eyes, “and yours?”

 

“Yuto,” Yuto replied, his grin haven’t disappeared from his face since the petite boy had a very cute round face and seeing how adorable he looked on how excited he was receiving such a small gift, his heart fluttered, all warm and fuzzy inside.

 

It was different to the angel that was eyeing them since a while ago. He clicked his fingers when he finally remembered the face of the boy and where they met, leading him to sit beside Yuto, listening to the conversation between them. 

 

“You and your mom took care of this garden?”

 

The little boy nodded, “yes,”

 

“Oh, that’s amazing!” replied Yuto excitedly, “for how long?”

 

“I don’t know. Grandma’s been taking care of it before she passed away,”

 

The boy had his face darkened when he mentioned grandmother, causing Yuto to ask a different question. 

 

“Oh… What’s your favorite flower by the way?” asked Yuto, smiling as sweetly as he could as he tried to change from the grim topic.

 

“I don’t like flowers but I like video games,” he answered, before he continued, “but grandma liked this flower the most!” while pointing to the Lily of the Valley before them. “ She would always tell me that if I lost Mom someday, I should come here and make a wish.”

 

“Oh, why so?”

 

“It’s because angels like this flower, she said,”

 

Yamada that was busy poking the flower stopped his actions, taken aback by the statement. For all he knew, none of the other angels liked this flower since it was not available back in the realm. Only those that came down to earth knew about this flower, and from the team of angels that came down to grant human wishes, none of them liked the flower. 

 

A memory surfaced, happened somewhat a long time ago in his angel years, but he didn't know how to break the question to the child, especially when he couldn't even sense his presence. But when he was about to pat Yuto's shoulder to ask him to do him a favour, he dismissed the thought when the petite figure pulled out a polaroid from his pants’ pocket.

 

"Here! A picture of grandma and me!" 

 

The polaroid was really small, but the image was clear enough to see two figures were standing in front of the old version of the same garden, hands linked with a big smile spread across their faces. The old woman was wearing a traditional Kimono, the colour was a bit dull due to the long-term of usage, while the boy was wearing his school uniform along with a cute yellow hat.

 

Upon seeing the picture, the angel recognized the very same clothing and the very same face that he met a long time ago, when the colour of the Kimono was still bright and new, and the time when the woman was at the peak of her beauty.

 

_ War seemed to be never ending; the pool of blood that splashed everywhere seemed normal, the corpses lying around as the shots of machine guns and swords reverberated throughout the battlefield was an ordinary view to the people that lived around the area. The place that used to be the city for trade had been a slaughter ground, the peaceful treaties were as if had never been made in the first place. _

 

_ Yamada never really cared what happened on earth, as long as it didn’t hurt him or affect his work in any way. The amount of wishes were massive, and he didn’t even had time to care about their affairs since he had tons of work to do. As long as he grant human wishes and done his work, that would be enough. Even though he didn't ask for this work and it was tiring him out, but as long as he could get out from heaven and finally got to use his wings after a very long time being stuck on serving souls, it was enough.  _

 

_ The weeping of a small child cut through the silence in the air as he stood a few metres away, ears trying to bear the deafening voice of the girl. A dull-coloured teddy bear was in her clutch, holding it tightly while her other hand was busy wiping the tears that was flowing down her round cheeks, her figure curled into a ball. Despite the short distance between them, the girl still didn't sense his presence-- or purposely ignored him--  as he stood facing her back, and Yamada knew if he didn't approach her as soon as possible, he might have to say goodbye to his ears. _

 

_ It was just a small house, most of the walls were made of wood, stacking up together, and there was no any other rooms; just one big space where they sleep, eat, and leisure, all at the very same spot.  _

 

_ So he stepped closer, slowly and softly, before he squatted in front of her so their eyes were at the same level. Despite knowing there was someone approaching her, the girl didn't stop crying, as if she wanted someone to comfort her, to give her a warm hug to cure her loneliness away.  _

 

_ "Why are you crying, little girl? Don't cry," he reassured, saying it as softly as possible to let her be comfortable with his presence while curving her a warm smile. "What happened?" _

 

_ Her speech was ragged, sniffing as she spoke due to crying for a long period of time. "I- m-miss Daddy," _

 

_ "Where did Daddy go?" _

 

_ "H-he w-went outside the f-forest with his friends. He said he'll be back after a day… But he still didn't come back… It has already been three days… " she continued, still sobbing her heart out.  _

 

_ Seeing the crying face of a child hurt him. He knew, during this time of war, there were lots of children were left to live on their own since they lost their parents at an early age. It was never easy for him to deal with children that lose their parents due to war since he hated seeing them growing up independently without parent's love. Even though he never experienced being left by someone he loved, but seeing how the children faced lots of difficulties as they grew up, and most wishes that they made were, to bring back their parents again, and of course, that was not possible if the ones they wished for had gone to the other side of the world. His thumb wiped the tears that fell down her cheeks as he uttered, "Let me hug you." _

 

_ The girl didn't hesitate at all and her arms draped around his neck as tightly as he could as her sobbing became even more intense as she continued to weep. Listening to how she couldn’t stop crying, how tight her grip was to Yamada’s shirt as she rested her head on his shoulder, Yamada could feel as if he was sharing the same pain. Her desperate tug towards a complete stranger clearly displayed how she felt; someone was actually there for her, hearing her silent plea, and that made her feel a lot better as her crying started to slow down. _

 

_ "Do you want your father to come back?" The small girl nodded, her arms still embracing his neck.  _

 

_ "Alright then," Yamada pulled out from the hug as both of his hands were on the girl's shoulders, "why don't you make a wish?" _

 

_ "A wish?" The petite figure asked, her eyes were swollen from all the crying, but there was no longer tears in her eyes. Finally calmed down by Yamada's help. _

 

_ "Yeah. You should say, 'I want my father to come back' by holding your hands together, like this!" the angel laced his fingers together as the girl nodded understandingly. A faint smile finally appeared on her face. _

 

_ “Okay!” she quickly copied Yamada’s actions and made her wish, “I wish my father to come back home soon!” _

 

_ “Good girl!” The angel patted her head, smiling sweetly to her before standing up to leave. “Okay, I have to go. I hope your father will be back soon!” _

 

_ But before he even made a step towards the door, the girl pulled his shirt, not letting him leave. _

 

_ “Can you stay here until father finally comes back home?” The faint smile on her face had gone, her eyebrows furrowed when he tilted his head towards her direction. _

 

_ “Aww.” he lowered himself as he caressed her hair, “Trust me, he’ll be home very soon! You won’t need me here,” _

 

_ “But-” _

 

_ “Uh-uh. Do you want your father to come back or not?” _

 

_ “... I want to.” _

 

_ “Good girl. He’ll be home soon, I promise.”  _

 

_ “Will you be back here?” _

 

_ “One day,” he curved the widest smile that he could give. “Take care!” _

 

_ The small child was hesitant to let go of his shirt, but she still did. Her facial expression displayed all of the loneliness that she felt before Yamada came, as if all of the awful feelings that she experienced would come back to her and ruin her again, but Yamada still gave her a reassuring smile, that her wish would come true. _

 

_ He was hesitant to leave as well, but he had to. Not that she would remember him once he left. _

 

_ As the door behind him closed once he stepped out from the small house, he closed his eyes, collecting his strength before he clicked his fingers, uttering, “Please be happy always, little girl.” _

 

_ He started to move after he heard a faint clicking sound, leaving the scene as quickly as he could. _

 

_ A minute after he left the scene, the creaking sound of the door resonated within the deep forest, followed with happy greetings from the child to the father, and it left him smiling while walking away, a smile filled with satisfaction. Heart screaming of joy that he made someone’s day. _

 

_ He stretched his back, arms in the air while strolling around the forest, searching for the flower he found a few weeks ago. Pulling out the wilted Lily of the valley from his pants’ pocket; a flower that he picked up from a random bed of flowers he encountered from his last trip on earth, he let out a relieved sigh. He could finally be on the hunt for his favorite flower again after not encountering it for so long since he could not remember the exact spot where he found it.  _

 

_ His work for the day had finally done and he should be back to heaven by now, but he had to search for that garden again, so he could relax himself with the flowers.  _

 

_ All he wanted to do as a reward from all the massive amount of work that day was to visit where Lily of the valley grew, even though he didn't know if it brought any good to him. From the very first time he held the delicate flower in his hands, he felt somewhat connected to it. He just simply like to be around them; like there was some sort of close attachment. Something that his brain couldn’t comprehend. Though, he didn’t really care enough to know why he felt that way and just followed his instincts. _

 

_ Eyes wandered around, hunting for his favorite flower as he walked further from where he left the house but even for half an hour walk, he still found nothing; even a stem. _

 

_ The sky had turned deep red, signing that night was approaching, leaving him with no choice but to give up the search.  _

 

_ “How many times do I have to give up?” he thought, “This flower has already wilted, I won’t get to search for it once it decayed,” _

 

_ He walked deeper into the green, dark forest in order to stretch his wings freely without any preaching eyes. Even though he knew for a fact that people couldn’t see him, but there will always be a possibility where people that had desperate wishes could see him in times he didn’t want to be seen. His steps halted once his instincts told him to stop walking, and the place he stopped by was perfect since the tall shady trees protected him from the view of a small village nearby.  _

 

_ As he took a deep breath and stretched out his wings, he took a glance of the Lily of the valley in his hands again despite lack of lighting; he promised to himself that he would try and search for the flower again the next time he came here.  _

 

_ His legs were already bent, ready to take off but when he heard a rustling sound from his back, he stopped in his tracks. Blood rushing through his veins as he started to panic. So many thoughts came in mind, and he wished it was not satan or whatever the creature from hell because he hated how they looked. It was more than just scary, but they were also hideous and dirty, which is-- his greatest enemy.  _

 

_ For the love of god, he didn’t want to turn his head and see the creature that awaits behind him, and scarred his memory for life but hearing the sound was approaching his way as it gets louder and louder, he didn’t have any other choice. Despite the loud heartbeat that it felt like going out of his chest anytime and how cold his fingers were, he shut his eyes before he finally tilted his head towards the sound while shouting, “Begone, satan!” as his hands moved to chase the presence away. _

 

_ “... Satan?” _

 

_ Eh? _

 

_ Why did the voice sounds… normal? A normal, female voice, instead of a rough, incomprehensible way of talking? _

 

_ He opened his eyes slowly, careful of what he might see, just to be greeted by a pair of eyes having the same reaction as he did; shocked. _

 

_ "Y-you're an angel?" asked the woman, half of her body still hidden behind the tree trunk, reluctant to come out as there was a hint of fear in her eyes.  _

 

_ Yamada heaved a sigh of relief upon seeing the figure in front of him, thankful it was not any figure that would scar his memory for life, but it was not the same for the human before him, still hesitating, still scared of the angel.  _

 

_ "... You have beautiful wings." she uttered, eyes still glued to the wings attached to his back, fascinated by the view in front of her. _

 

_ "Did you follow me?" _

 

_ A nod. _

 

_ "How did you see me?" _

 

_ "I was on my way back home, before I saw you... " _

 

_ "Why? People rarely see me like this," he replied. "Do you actually have a wish?" _

 

_ "A wish? Why is it connected with me seeing you?" _

 

_ "People won't see me unless they have a strong wish," _

 

_ The human before him had her eyes wide, taken aback by the statement. "... I do have one." She hesitated.  _

 

_ "What is it?" _

 

_ "I want my husband to come back, he hasn't been home since last two months, and I'm worried about him." _

 

_ "No prob. Leave it to me." _

 

_ Just when he was about to click his fingers, the woman stepped out from the tree trunk, without hesitation approached him as she handed him a piece of 100 yen. "Here, for you." _

 

_ She was standing a few metres away from him, still afraid to step closer but it was clear enough for Yamada to study her face; a pair of round, black eyes, oval-shaped face with a high-cheek bone, plump pink lips with long black hair tied as a bun, her simple light pink Kimono with light blue sash complimented her beauty.  _

 

_ Compared to some humans he encountered, this woman was a beauty and brave because nobody ever followed him like this before. The hands that were holding out the coin was shivering, either it was due to the coldness of the night or due to nervousness. Seeing her head bow, he could sense her desperation behind her gesture. _

 

_ "Eh?" Yamada didn't pick up the coin she handed, weirded out by the gesture. "Why?" _

 

_ "Don't angels take 100 yens whenever we make a wish? Didn't this apply to you?" _

 

_ For the first time in his life, he never had laughed so hard because of a human. He never had encountered someone trying to give him money because of the work he did. Her reaction was funny and interesting at the same time. _

 

_ The woman had her eyebrows already furrowed, confused. "What's so funny?"  _

 

_ "I never take money for my work. It is worth nothing to me," he corrected her once he finished laughing his heart out. _

 

_ "So, how should I compensate it to you?" _

 

_ "Nothing? I don't take any rewards from a human." _

 

_ "But, I want to at least give anything that I could-" _

 

_ "I told you; no need to. Angels don't take anything from humans," he insisted. "Why not just see first if I could really grant your wish? Because my work time is over, and I'm not sure if I could still grant wishes," _

 

_ "Wait, angels HAVE work time?" asked the confused woman, couldn't comprehend the fact that angels had work time when she thought angels hear wishes anytime. _

 

_ "Of course. We have work shifts, like I'm working during the day, and other angel will handle the work during nighttime," _

 

_ "Oh," she nodded understandingly. _

 

_ "With that being said, let's grant your wish, shall we?" He stepped away from her as he smiled warmly, fingers were ready to be clicked. "I'll see what I can do," _

 

_ He closed his eyes again, collecting some strength before clicking his fingers once.  _

 

_ No clicking sound could be heard. _

 

_ He clicked his fingers again. _

 

_ Silence.  _

 

_ "Um… "  _

 

_ "Wait, let me try again," _

 

_ He clicked his fingers again for the third time, but still, there was nothing.  _

 

_ "Sorry, I can't grant your wish right now," he apologized. "Maybe next time," _

 

_ Her facial expressions darkened, her lips curved into a frown as he shouted to the leaving angel, “But how can I know that you’ll come back? I really want to meet my husband! At least, I just want to know how he’s doing… I really want to know if he’s okay!”  _

 

_ Despite the dark environment with only moonlight as a source of light, Yamada could see her tears fall as she shouted to him to at least give her a chance to grant her wish, but what can he do? He didn’t have any powers to grant her wish, and his friend was too far away if he called out.  _

 

_ “Hmm, give me a sec. Let me think,” he folded his arms as he thought of a way for him to grant her wish the next time they met. It was not easy for him to find her back since this place had nothing significant that he could recall with. His hands groped for contents in his pants pocket, hoping it would help him in some way, and as he pulled out the wilted Lily of the valley that he kept for so long, he had an idea. _

 

_ “Why not you plant this flower?” suggested Yamada as he showed the flower in his palm. _

 

_ “Lily of the valley?” _

 

_ “Yeah,” he nodded, as he pulled her hand and placed the wilted flower on her palm. “I’ll come back to you if you plant this flower around your place. I promise.” _

 

_ “Why do I need to plant this flower? Is this some sort of communication between humans and angels?” she asked, her tears stopped upon hearing the suggestion from Yamada. _

 

_ “Not really. This place had nothing special that I could remember with, so at least, planting this at your place, I’ll know where to search for you,” his lips curved a big smile as he continued, “And I love this flower. I will come back to search for this flower again the next time I’m here. So-” _

 

_ “I’ll make sure to plant it! Please come back here when you have the chance!” She cut his words as she smiled, excited for their next meeting. Yamada couldn’t help but chuckle a little with her response. “Please don’t take so long to come back!” she continued. _

 

_ “Sure! See you later!” _

 

“.... because of the angel, she finally reunited with Grandpa!!”

 

The flashback ended as the excited voice of the child in Yuto’s arms finally hit his eardrums. He was still in the same position; sitting cross-legged beside the chatting humans when he drifted off.

 

“Oh yeah? That’s why she kept the garden up until now?” asked Yuto, enthusiastic in hearing the story.

 

“Yes! I hope the angel still comes here and enjoy the flowers!”

 

Hearing the answer that came out from Jin’s mouth, Yamada’s eyes started to get teary again. The feeling in his chest was indescribable, so warm and comforting. As if someone had just lift the burden off his shoulders. He never expected that someone still remembered a small deed that he did a long time ago, a very small one that his brain could discard the memory on how unimportant it was. 

 

To actually have someone taking care of the garden just to appreciate his presence, continuing to remember such an unimportant encounter; he felt… special. All the awful feelings, the self-hatred that kept on whispering in his mind non-stop since yesterday just stopped by the simple answer, vanished like puffs in the air.

 

“Of course he will!” answered Yuto as he patted Jin’s head. “Who knows he will grant your wish too?”

 

“I hope so too!-”

 

“Jin!!” a female voice called out to Jin from the garden gates. Yamada recognized the figure, lips curving a small smile as his vision followed the running child.

 

“Mom!!” he exclaimed as he ran towards his mother that was carrying some plastic bags, appearing to be back from the grocery store. The woman bowed as soon as she saw Yuto standing beside the bed of flowers-- a way of saying thank you for taking care of her child-- before both of them left the place, hand in hand. 

 

From where they stood, they could see how eager Jin was, telling stories to his mother, and how his mother listened attentively to his stories, while replying the same enthusiasm. The human beside him had a wide grin spread across his face, completely oblivious to Yamada's change of heart after meeting the small child, before murmuring, “He’s a really cute boy, don’t you think?” 

 

“Yeah,” he replied, before both of them lie on the grass, enjoying the view of the vast blue sky above them.

 

Deep inside Yamada’s heart, the sight of a child growing up with love of his parents made him feel so grateful on the impact of his past-doings for someone’s future. Even the smallest thing matters, and even for the smallest things, might change someone’s future.  

 

“Yamada, did you?-”

 

“What?”

 

“Did you cry again? What happened?”

 

“Huh, did I cry?” questioned Yamada, before he realized his cheeks were already wet with tears. “Oh, yeah. I did. Haha.” He chuckled, but still didn’t make Yuto’s curiosity go down.

 

“What happened?” 

 

“Nah, just remembered something that happened a  _ long  _ time ago,” 

 

“Dang, you always have the greatest time to have your throwback moment,”

 

“Of course, I haven't visited this place for a very long time."

 

"Oh, it reminds me of something," murmured Yuto as he shifted his view towards Yamada, having his right elbow as support. "Hey, Yamada, the angel that Jin's grandma met reminds me of you though. How he likes Lily of the Valley-"

 

"It's me."

 

"Oh," he rested his head on his arms, view back to the sky. Totally missing the point he supposed to be surprised of. After a moment of contemplating, and after a staring contest with a crow eating worms on the ground, his brain finally processed the information.

 

“Wait, what?!” he screamed as his head lifted a little, slightly turned towards Yamada’s direction. 

 

“Hey, don’t scream to my ears, idiot.”

 

"How can I not scream?! You literally met his grandma that’s already passed away!" 

 

"So?”

 

“Aren’t you happy? There are humans that remembers you! Even for a hundred years!” Yuto exclaimed before he continued, “Oh, and also, you’re pretty old.”

 

“You know how to ruin a good time, don’t you?” He chuckled before he heaved a deep sigh, his voice deep and serious. "But you know, I feel a lot better now."

 

"Because of Jin?"

 

"In a way. To know that someone actually appreciates you is reassuring, you know? After what happened yesterday, I just feel awful about myself. I felt… useless." Yamada slowly shifted to a sitting position, his stare fixed to the bed of flowers before him. "But, to know that this garden is still well-kept because they wanted to say 'thank you' for what I did, I just couldn't help but feel so happy."

 

"You deserve it." Yuto followed his movements, curving the angel a warm smile, "You deserve to be happy for what you did. I told you so many times, haven't I?" 

 

"You did." the angel tilted his head towards Yuto, staring into his black orbs as he replied him with the same gesture, "Thanks Yuto. Maybe I might need you to remind myself that I'm not as awful as I think."

 

"Yeah, and one praise a day for 200 yen please!"

 

"Oh, geez! You desperate joker!"

 

As both of them laughed when they lie on the grass, staring back at the blue sky above them, Yamada had his emotions overflowed, thoughts about how he felt towards himself changed as soon as he heard the history of the garden he used to attend. 

 

Maybe, he shouldn't be too hard on himself after all?


	5. Filth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuto was trying to get some sleep before the sound of someone moaning disturbed his sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clear this up;
> 
> This chapter is showing the pure side of an angel-- that has never witnessed someone having sex his whole life. This has no correlation with any homophobic tendencies that he had. I'm really sorry if those that read through had thought so, but I do not intend to make this light-hearted chapter had mentions of homophobia in it. 
> 
> I hope you'll enjoy this chapter!

Just a few steps away.

 

He could feel his legs would give away at any moment, slowly but steadily, trudging through the hallway to reach his apartment as soon as possible. Eyes heavy since he had to do tons of work that day: planting new flowers, restocking the fertilizers, rearranging the old flowers with new ones, and most importantly, the shop was unusually crowded. Left him with only a few minutes to breathe, sit down and relax before he had to entertain another customer.

 

As soon as he saw the familiar door of his apartment, his steps hastened as he pulled out his house keys -- all he wanted was just to lay himself on the mattress as soon as possible. But before he could even insert the house key into the keyhole, the door was already opened by the ghost occupant of his apartment, greeting him with a wide smile on his face, “Welcome back!”

 

The taller one replied with a tired smile but he kept his mouth shut-- too exhausted to the point where he couldn’t even open his mouth to reply, but the angel understood the silent gesture, and closed the door behind them without saying a word. He knew how exhausting work could be, especially when he went out at 7 in the morning and came back home at 10. 

 

“I’ve already tidied the apartment for you, so just sleep away. No need to throw the dirty clothes on the floor anymore. There’s a basket beside the bathroom’s door for you to put in today's dirty clothes,” Yamada said as they entered to the brand new living room-- free from any trash, dirty clothes and beer cans-- unlike their first meeting. 

 

But the human had to blink once, twice before realizing the living room was completely clean, the ceramic floor reflecting his own tired face. Yuto smiled again, murmuring “Thanks, Yamada. You saved my life.”

 

“You’re welcome. Now, go to sleep! I can’t stand seeing your red eyes!” while shoo-ing him away to his bedroom, and the taller one obediently listened.

 

The bed sheets of the queen bed had already been changed, the soft smell of lavender penetrated his nose as soon as he reached his bedroom door and he was sure he would be melting into the bed once he lied down, since lavender was his favorite scent. Plus, he was awfully exhausted from work that he could just pass out the second he placed his head on the pillow.

 

As he took off the leather cardigan off his body, leaving only a black T-shirt and a pair of jeans remained, he quickly lunged himself on the bed with his arms spread, enjoying the bed to the fullest. 

 

The softness of the mattress against his skin had already made him to start losing consciousness, the faint background sound of the TV started to fade out as he stayed in the position a little longer, before… 

 

"Ah… Chinen.. ah!"

 

_Huh?_

 

"Ah… faster… harder! Ah..!"

 

_Fuck._

 

Just when he was about to sleep, the sound of someone moaning hit his eardrums. He was a heavy sleeper, and usually sounds like this won't affect him but even though the sound was faint, but it was audible enough that it could disturb his sleep.

 

Yuto couldn't pinpoint where it came from, but since it was near, and clear enough for him to hear every word, he could guess who was the one doing it. 

 

"Yamada! Can you stop moaning for a while and continue jerking off once I sleep?! I can't sleep for fuck's sake!" shouted Yuto, still in the same position, eyes closed as he tried to continue with his slumber. 

 

"What do you mean by jerking off? I was watching the TV," replied Yamada as he went to Yuto's bedroom, just to see the human had his arms sprawled on the bed without changing any clothes. The angel shook his head in disbelief. 

 

"Did you watch porn then?" he croaked.

 

"No… I'm watching a variety show-"

 

"Ah! Ah… More!"

 

Yuto had already lost his patience when he sat on the bed, and the shorter one could see how his face was glowering in anger, with a hint of exhaustion when their eyes met. Yamada gulped his fear down-- damn, Yuto looked like he was about to eat someone just because they were interfering with his sleep and for sure, Yuto was not a person he wanted to mess with once he was angry.

 

"... It's from our new neighbours, Yuto," stated Yamada as Yuto massaged his own forehead, still couldn't believe he was hearing someone having a hot sex when he was sexually and financially frustrated. That was actually fueling his anger besides of not getting to sleep peacefully.

 

The apartment next to his was empty when Yamada first came, and there was a gay couple moved in yesterday. Yuto was not sure what was their names… Keito? Chinen?

 

_But most importantly, who the fuck have sex at Wednesday night when it is literally a work day tomorrow?!_

 

"What are they doing though? It sounds so weird," Yamada continued to ask, completely clueless. He tried to think when humans make this kind of noises but nothing came to mind. All that he could think was-- maybe they had some massage? Usually he would hear this kind of voices when he went to an old folk's home last time, hearing men on their thirties trying the electrical massaging chair for the first time.

 

Yuto had his eyes wide when he heard the question that came out from the angel's mouth, staring at him in disbelief. He never thought angels wouldn't know since they met with different kinds of people each day but-- this was new. 

 

"Wait, you really don't know?"

 

"No?" the angel answered, making him even more curious when Yuto gave him a weird look, "What's wrong with not knowing it?"

 

Yuto chuckled a little when he saw Yamada had his eyebrows furrowed, his face filled with pure curiosity and nothing else. He felt like toying with this angel for a little bit.

 

_This angel was so pure._

 

"Why don't you try seeing it for yourself, and you'll know..." challenged Yuto as he curved him a playful smirk. His eyes were not heavy anymore since Yamada’s pureness had awaken his brain cells, excited to see on what would Yamada’s reaction would be once he saw the _hot_ scene at the next door.

 

“O..kay… “ the angel replied, doubtful but still moving slowly towards Yuto’s bedroom window. 

 

_Why did Yuto gave him that look?_

 

The way he had his attention glued on him from the moment he challenged him to see where was the noise coming, to the moment he was about to fly to the balcony next to Yuto’s window was scary, as if he had something evil in mind. Thoughts rushing in and out of his mind; _why did Yuto gave him a playful smirk? Why did he looked… excited?_

 

“Okay, I’ll be going now,” uttered Yamada to the excited human that was standing beside him, had his grin wider once he stretched out his wings. 

 

“Sure. Good luck!” replied Yuto happily but calmly, folding his arms, “Don’t be there for too long.” as he waved him goodbye.

 

The balcony of the next door was only a few feet away, but he had to stretch his wings just to be safe, if he suddenly slipped and fell. Who knows? Not that he cared if he fell anyway since he won’t get hurt, but flying to the 15th floor after falling down would be a hassle.

 

Yamada gave Yuto a weird look as he stood at the edge of the window, keeping his lips shut before jumping to the other side flawlessly without using his wings. 

 

The noise became even clearer than when it was in Yuto’s room-- showing that the angel was on the right track. The curtains were already opened from behind the sliding door and the door was slightly opened, but when he tried to pull it from the side, the door won’t budge. He still hasn't seen anything since the curtains were blocking his view, but once he bobbed his head over the curtains to see what was happening behind it-- oh, he wished he never did.

 

“Argh! Fuck!” Yamada cursed under his breath as he winced, backing away from the explicit view as he rubbed his eyes continuously, trying to clean the filthiness away that his eyes just witnessed. He could feel his eyes burn from the disgusting view, red from all the rubbing that he had done to his eyes. The sound of Yuto guffawed by the sight of him suffering hit his eardrums, and now the angel felt like throwing him to the pits of hell right this instant.

 

The sight was even worse than meeting Satan himself as it already scarred his memory for life.

 

This time, he flew back to Yuto’s windows briskly, leaving the filthy scene as soon as possible to prevent it from staining his hearing and sight any much longer. His hand formed into a fist, holding in his anger before he blew the human’s ears off once he reached the other side.

 

When he finally reached Yuto’s windows, the first thing he saw was a figure rolling on the floor, holding his stomach down from a hearty laugh. Yuto’s cheeks was already red from too much laughing, totally unaware that the angel was staring at him in silence, boiling with anger.

 

Sitting on the edge of the windows as Yamada folded his arms, he uttered as calmly as he could, “You look like... you had fun.”

 

And that made Yuto’s laughter even worse, to the point that he couldn’t breathe from laughing too much.  Especially when he caught a glimpse of Yamada's swollen eyes, staring down at him as he gave him a dark look.

 

“Hahaha… I just- hahaha! I can’t, Yamada, I can’t! My stomach hurts! Hahaha!”

 

“Ha. Ha. Ha. Laugh until you die.” The angel remained unamused, rolled his eyes as he walked past the laughing human to the bathroom as he stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes were already red from all the rubbing and his imaginations ran wild when he looked even further down.

 

Yamada could see himself screaming beneath Yuto as he humped against him, sweating heavily--

 

_Wait, what the fuck did I just--_

 

_Fuck._

 

_This is all Yuto’s fault._

 

The angel quickly turned the pipe and frantically splashed the tap, cold water against his face in order to erase the memory. But the more he tried to remove, the harder it gets and his imaginations ran even wilder than before, that he couldn’t help but scream, “Yuto, you’ll pay for this!!”

 

The taller one had already stopped laughing when he reached his sides, still had the annoying grin on his face when he looked to the mirror to see Yamada’s condition, just to be greeted by a pair of red eyes. His face grimaced, “uff, you don’t look well, bud.”

 

“Of course not! I’ve never witnessed such disgusting thing in my whole life!”

 

“Damn, that’s the best thing on earth though.” stated Yuto, before the angel leered angrily to him.

 

“How in the world, humping against someone could be the best thing on earth?”

 

“You should try it someday then you’ll know.” whispered Yuto as he winked.

 

“Over my dead body!” shouted Yamada, continuing with disinfecting his eyes with the cold water, hopefully the filthiness would go away when he did. Yuto that was watching over him for awhile shook his head, worried.

 

“Yamada, it won’t work-”

 

“Shut up. Go and make those fuckers shut the hell up first, then we’ll talk.”

 

“Okay, okay. I will.” Yuto threw his hands up as he spoke, giving in to the angel’s wrath. Besides, he already had so much fun that night to continue toying with Yamada. Let him calm down or he won't be talking to him for a week. 

 

The faint sound of someone moaning from the other side resonated once he was back in his bedroom, causing him to feel embarrassed to even sleep. Both of his hands rested on his waist as he walked to the wall where the sound was coming from, heaving a deep sigh as he mustered some courage before knocking the wall loudly. 

 

“I don’t mind you’re having sex but can you please pipe it down?! I need to wake up early tomorrow!” shouted Yuto as loudly as he could, hopefully they could hear it despite of the thick walls. 

 

Thankfully, it quieted down as soon as he finished shouting. After half an hour bearing with the lewd sounds, the bedroom had finally become a peaceful space to sleep rather than a place to listen to live porn from next door. Yuto once again lunged himself on the bed, resting his sore back against the mattress. “Yamada, it’s already quiet now!” he shouted as he closed his eyes to rest. 

 

Exhaustion overwhelmed, as the tranquility of the night and the lavender scented sheets made him fall deep into his slumber. He didn’t notice Yamada left the bathroom a few minutes after he shouted his name since he fell asleep as soon as he closed his eyes.

 

The shorter one sighed when he saw the human had already fallen asleep without changing his clothes, he wanted to nag but the soft snore that escaped Yuto’s lips made his earlier rage to shrink. Seeing how peaceful the look on his face when he was sleeping, it hits his soft spot. Despite being a prankster, Yuto always listened to whatever he wanted-- even though sometimes the way he asked for it was not… civil enough. 

 

As he walked out of the bedroom with a face towel in hand, he murmured, “Good night, Yuto.”


	6. Yuto's past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuto came back home, a bit gloomy than usual.

There will always be a moment where a person would discover the other's hidden childhood photos, but Yuto's was discovered by an angel, and he didn't know if he should mind that. 

 

A dull-coloured photo in hand, a photo of four consists of parents and two boys around their 15s. 

 

"Is this your twin?"

 

Yamada stared at Yuto, then his eyes shifted to the photo, repeating the cycle of staring at Yuto and the photo again and again. "Puberty hits you hard, huh? In here, you look like an innocent, nerdy boy. With all the glasses and stuff," said the shorter one, placing the photo back in the box he just discovered from the unused shoe rack. Yuto remained silent, unbothered to answer the chatterings from the bored angel. 

 

How couldn't the angel be bored when he only stayed home, exploring Yuto's condominium for the whole week? Yamada couldn't cook, however. So, in the end, Yuto had to cook for himself whenever he came home. Usually, he would just bring packed food from the convenience store, but that day his shop was packed with customers since afternoon, so he came home later than usual. By the time he reached the convenience store, it was already closed. 

 

Yamada stepped towards the raven-haired man that was boiling ramen at the kitchen, shoulders just an inch away as he settled himself beside Yuto, staring into the pot, bored. 

 

"Ramen, again?"

 

The human had his hands still, eyes opened yet a blank stare was all that he could muster from his remaining energy. The wooden chopsticks in his right hand was hot, and he usually would curse under his breath, but his hands were not reacting towards the heat thus his mouth automatically shuts down. "I don't have the energy to even talk right now. Let's talk later."

 

"Wow. _That_ tired, huh? My condolences,"

 

"I'm not _that_ tired," replied Yuto, drained out, as he moved the pot to the bowl before he nearly spilled the hot water on his feet if Yamada didn't quickly pulled the metal pot to the sink. The angel caught a glimpse of his expression; it was more than just fatigue. There was something dwelling inside him. Something that the angel couldn't... understand.

 

The taller one had his eyes finally widened, his consciousness was completely back by the short incident but only for a short while before his fatigue kicked in again. 

 

"You're about to burn your feet and now you're saying you're not that tired?"

 

"But… I'm really hungry."

 

A growl from the stomach resonated in the air and the angel laughed because of how pitiful this human looked; exhausted and hungry. 

 

"Okay, fine. Sit on the couch and I'll feed you."

 

"What? But you can't touch--"

 

"I still can touch the items. See?" answered Yamada, holding a pair of chopsticks to confirm his statement. "I still can feed you as long as I use something."

 

"Okay."

 

The taller one obediently listened, no complaints nor lame jokes like he usually did, stepped towards the couch in silence as the angel followed him with a bowl in hand. It was awkward, to be exact. But judging by the way Yuto reacted, guess he was really tired.  

 

Once Yuto landed on the brown leather couch, his head automatically just flops on the pillow, eyes shut. The shorter one placed himself in front of him after he pulled the nearest stool, sighing. Seeing Yuto's facial expression was dark from the moment he stepped into the apartment and he couldn't help but feel worried. If there was something bothering him all this time. 

 

"Say something, bud. You're being scary right now."

 

"I- didn't do anything?"

 

" _That's_ exactly why I'm scared right now."

 

"Ugh," grunted Yuto, head still on the pillow, "I'm nearly as dead right now,"

 

"I can see that." Yamada replied. "I was about to call the grim reaper to pick you up."

 

"Oh." Yuto replied, unusually short. " Tell him that I have always waited for him to come,"

 

"Damn, that's… depressing."  

 

"Just like my life."

 

"Just like your stomach. Now, let's eat."

 

Yuto turned sides, his back facing Yamada. "Forget it. I'm not hungry anymore." 

 

The shorter one heaved a huge sigh as he looked over to the already- soggy ramen in the bowl. There was something wrong with Yuto tonight. As if he just flipped a switch within him.

 

The taller one had his expression slightly grim than usual even though he tried to hide it. How he didn't even want to talk or how he didn't even had the appetite to eat when he usually would eat literally everything left in the fridge. 

 He wanted to know what was bothering the mind of the human before him. If he could just lift his burdens off... that would be better.

Yamada placed the bowl on the living room's table, still eyeing the human that was lying on the couch. "What's wrong?"

 

Quiet. 

 

"Nakajima Yuto. I know that you're still awake."

 

A groan. "Leave me alone. I can't sleep with you bothering me."

 

"I'm not leaving unless you tell me what's wrong."

 

No response. 

 

"Is this because of your younger brother?"

 

"Yamada. Don't." Warned Yuto, his voice deep, signing him to stop asking. 

 

"Is it related to that ungranted wish of yours?-”

 

Words were left unfinished as the human before him shouted to his face all of a sudden, leaving the angel trembled in silence, witnessing his wrath. "Shut up!! Can you just stop meddling with my affairs?!"

 

"But I-"

 

"Don't ever bring up about my wish and my younger brother ever again,-"

 

"But I asked because I care about you, Yuto! I-"

 

"So stop caring! I don't need useless angels that couldn't grant wishes to care about me."

 

The angel was stunned, speechless. He couldn't believe his ears that he heard it from Yuto's mouth, himself. His vision became blurry, filled with transparent liquid that later overflowed, streaming down his cheeks. Yuto's statement hurt him, confused him. Was all that he said before was all a lie? Was he really something worth to be disposed of? 

 

Just like what the angels did to him, and now the human he trusted too?

 

His chest hurts, the sensation he felt was choking his breath, was killing him inside. 

 

"I'm sorry, Yuto. I'm sorry." 

 

Voice cracked, slowly stepping away from the human, leaving the place he thought was home. 

 

"I'll-- go."

 

Yuto's back was facing him as he left, he couldn't see what face was he making; was he sad? was he mad? As an angel that should have been getting rid of tears from people's faces; he was a total failure. Instead of making smiles, he was creating sadness, and while he should be granting people's wishes, he didn't. 

 

It's true. The statements Yuto threw at him was true, and he knew that fact himself, but he just couldn't say it loudly. He couldn't say it to himself. How he wanted to just be dust at times like this, forgotten and useless. Worth to be thrown away. 

 

Then, he ran. Ran as fast as he could, out from Yuto's condominium. Nothing really mattered, even if he didn't know where to go, even if people thought ghost was lurking around due to the sounds made by a non-existing angel. All he knew was to leave, clear his mind. Plans for tomorrow were set aside, his brain needed time to think everything again. 

 

Tears were still streaming down his cheeks, leaving his eyes swollen. The passageway looked the same as he ran, but he managed to find the staircase and ran down to the first floor, found the exit door right in front of him once he left the staircase. 

 

The moment the night's cold air hit his skin, not only it left him shivering cold, but also left him with more tears in his eyes. 

 

He finally left him when he thought he would never. 

 

No home to stay, and no one to rely on. 

 

He was on his own, finally. What's left was counting the days before he became completely human.

 

He had to accept that fact, and move on. Now he had to continue his life, and try to survive on his own. So he quickened his pace, from walking to running, in order to ease the heaviness in his heart. Yet, why did his heart became heavier? Why he seemed not getting better? Why his tears were unstoppable at this point?

 

He loathed for his weak self, but what can be done? He _was_ weak, powerless, useless. It was true, what Yuto alleged on what kind of existence he was. 

 

Worthless. 

 

As he ran, the playground came into view and instinctively, his feet followed his instincts; to stop there. To rest, to think it all through. 

 

The playground was empty and dark, as it was already midnight. Somehow, loneliness can be sensed in the air-- just like his current feelings.

 

But as he sat on the swing, hands shivered as the coldness of the metal string seeped into his skin, leaving his whole body trembling in the cold, he realized that his heart was as cold, dying. 

 

A heave of a heavy sigh. A slight push for the swing to move as he was deep in thought. Should he be grateful that he is exposed to harsh things so he could cope with his life as an earthling? Or should he be sad for losing a dear friend? But both still hurt him. A reality that he wishes would never go through. 

 

He still had a chance to change his fate, to return to his own realm, but he had to find someone new. To find someone that he could get along with, that he could share his sorrows with, that he could joke around with.

 

But who?

 

Who in the world can see him besides Yuto? Who can replace the person that can make him feel all the foreign feelings inside his chest? Who can make him feel as if his existence was important to them?

 

As he glanced around the empty playground with only street lights from the main road as the source of light, and the night breeze hit his face again-- harder, colder. It left him with one answer;

 

No one. 

 

"Yamada!"

 

The angel looked up, felt his heart lifted by the familiar voice that called his name. Seeing the human had his chest up and down, breathing heavily, a lot of questions surfaced at the back of his mind.

 

Why was he here? 

 

Why did he chased him here?

 

Just-- why?

 

At first, Yuto didn't see he was there, sitting on the swing, but as he looked around him and saw the angel was giving him a surprised look, his facial expressions lightened, no longer frown nor furrowed eyebrows; just a hint of worry surfaced. He ran towards Yamada as soon as he found him, his face was apologetic but the only words that he could muster from all the feelings dwelled inside him was, "I'm sorry."

 

The tears in Yamada’s eyes pooled even more as soon as the apology hit his eardrums, he couldn't utter a single word to him but only a whimper came out. 

 

All of a sudden, warmth covered his view, his whole body, before something was wrapped around him; Yuto's arms. A wide cloth was covering his whole body--seemingly like a blanket-- and Yuto was embracing him, with a blanket as their medium. 

 

Yamada was taken aback by the sudden embrace; nobody had ever been so close to him, to the point he could feel the other's heartbeat on his chest. To the point that he could feel the warmth of an embrace. He once thought that he wouldn't be experiencing that in his life but nay, Yuto proved it wrong.

 

"I'm really sorry, Yamada." uttered Yuto, hugging him even tighter. "I'm really sorry."

 

Since the first moment Yuto found him, he didn't stop apologizing. The apology he gave nearly sound like a cry that filled with regret, begging him not to go. 

 

He wanted to reach out to him, to reply to his embrace, but it was impossible. Covered by both blanket and Yuto's arms, there was nothing he could do other than to stay still. He could only give words. 

 

"It's okay, Yuto."

 

"I shouldn't have said that-"

 

"It's okay." 

 

The angel had his hands shivering-- how he wanted so badly to hug the person in front of him, to stop him from apologizing over and over again because of this non-existent friend that appeared out of the blue. Yuto did nothing wrong-- it was his fault all along.

 

"Please don't leave me," 

 

"I won't. I have no one else except you," Yamada reassured, without noticing his tears fell again. "I never thought you came. I thought I was going to fail this mission," His voice croaked as he spoke.

 

"I won't let you fail," The blanket was finally pulled down, letting him see the swollen eyes of the other, on his knees as he continued, "I already promised to help you."

 

"But I couldn't give anything in return!"

 

"You being here is already enough, Yamada. I don't need anything else." uttered Yuto while reaching out to Yamada's hands, holding it tightly after covering it with the blanket to let him touch the angel. "I'm way too used with loneliness, that when you finally came into my life, I couldn't… cope with it anymore."

 

The grip on Yamada’s hands became tighter, the stare into his eyes were somber, yet, there was still a ray of light as their eyes met; as if his existence bring up the light in him.

 

There was something in Yamada's heart, a sudden click, that made his tears became uncontrollable as he could feel the warmth of Yuto's hands, that made him breathless. His heartbeat was beating like crazy that he thought that it might go out from his chest-- and nothing like this had happened before. Ever. 

 

Questions flooded in his mind, but nothing else mattered except the figure in front of him. As the grip of his hands tightened, he was brought back to the present, his tears finally stopped. 

 

"Today was the day it happened," he hesitantly started, "when I realized my mistake."

 

A deep sigh. 

 

"... My brother… is a memory that I don't want to remember."

 

"... What do you mean?" asked Yamada, while eyeing Yuto that moved towards the vacant swing beside him.

 

"He committed suicide. Because of me."

 

Despite the dark night and the absence of light within close distance, Yamada could see his face dropped-- filled with sorrow as his sigh followed. How he wished he could wrap his arms around Yuto as he spoke, but reality was cruel, the only thing he could do was listen. They were so close yet so far. 

 

"I was a proud son; I'm the smartest kid in the class, the good, obedient child that always followed his parents wishes. Totally opposite to my brother that went against them, because he wanted to be something else, different than what our parents want when he grew up."

 

"Your parents wouldn't let you choose on your own of what you want to be in the future?"

 

"No, and I obediently listened to their orders." A half-hearted chuckle escaped his lips as he continued with the story. Lips curved into a painful smile. "I should have been ashamed of myself, for not having a dream at all. At least, he found himself and he fought for it. Yet, I didn't even have a dream, and I didn't even fight for it. I was not alive but I was too proud to notice."

 

The taller one tilted his head towards Yamada, his painful smile was still there. Both of them stared at each other for awhile, in silence, in an indescribable feeling that warms the coldness in their hearts. Yet, the angel could say nothing. He wasn't a human, he didn't have… _a normal life to begin with._

 

His mouth tried to form some words, but his brain decided not to let him say anything.

 

"He left the house to pursue his dreams, to open a flower shop like he always wanted to do, but… everything didn't seem to work out as planned. His results worsen, his debt increased. The pressure from family and work drove him to the edge."

 

A tear fell as he continued. "He called me. He called me before he hanged himself in the room. But I--"

 

The blanket in Yamada's hand were no longer there as he placed it on top of Yuto's figure. His chin rested on Yuto's head, arms draping around his broad shoulders before the person in his arms sobbed even harder. He just couldn't let him cry alone. 

 

 " … I-I didn't pick up his calls because I-- I..."

 

"... you thought he was annoying back then?"

 

A hesitant nod. 

 

This time, he rested his head on Yuto’s right shoulder, hands still tugging to the blanket that connects them both together. 

 

"I'm terrible." Yuto said.

 

"No, you're not."

 

"But I didn't help him, and hated him until the very end--"

 

"But that doesn't matter now, does it? You regret it, and you've become a florist because of him. _That's_ what matters."

 

Yuto remained still, his mouth didn't utter a single word yet his hand moved towards the hand that wrapped around him, trying to reach him, to touch him, yet...

 

He couldn't. 

 

The sight before Yamada tore his heart apart, tears pooling in his eyes as he hid his face on the crook of Yuto's neck. 

 

The angel knew, he shouldn't be asking to be human so soon, but he just wanted to touch him. He just wanted him to know that he also feels the same twinge of pain in his heart. 

 

Why do reality had to hit at the wrong time?

 

“Thank you, Yamada. For being here,” his hands back on resting on his knees, giving up his attempt to touch the angel. “I feel less lonely when you’re here.”

 

“No, I’m the one that should be thanking you. For bearing with me all this while,” murmured Yamada, “I, too, feel less lonely when you’re around.”

“I’ll miss you when you completed your mission,” uttered Yuto,eyes closed as he sensed the weight on his shoulders. Despite of Yamada’s invisibility, he could still feel him, knew that he was there embracing his shoulders.

 

“I’ll visit you often so you won’t.” Yamada reassured.

 

“Promise?”

 

“Promise.”

 

As they let the calmness of the night comforted their moment of silence, they remained still, consoling each other with their presence. Feeling each other's heartbeat in silence was more than enough to make them realize; they loved being in each other's presence.


	7. Feelings

“Yamada, why don’t you just sleep here, tonight?”

 

A month and a week had passed since Yamada’s first encounter with Yuto. 

 

From being a normal angel without the need of sleep, bath or eat, to an angel that craves for sleep, after knowing how blissful shutting down the brain and not thinking anything for awhile. It was better than having a rest with flowers, especially with his new condition. He might get tired after playing with the flowers for a while. Sleeping was similar to consuming a drug; that gets addictive once you find comfort in it.

 

It was already two and a half weeks since the angel started sleeping on the couch in the living room, and he never really complained about it because he just hated the fact that he had to share a bed with someone, given when he couldn't even share his work space with his co-workers back in heaven. 

 

He should be rejecting that offer and just sleep on the couch but his heart screamed the opposite, his feet itched to move, but thankfully, his brain was still able to think straight and blurted out a question, "What's with this sudden change of mind?"

 

Yuto chuckled, resting his back on the headboard while still giving the angel a just-sleep-here look. "You've been sleeping on the couch since the very first time you started sleeping, you should try sleeping on the bed. It's comfy," as he patted the mattress again, alluring Yamada to just hop on and sleep. 

 

But the angel had his ego, frowned his eyebrows as he stared at the empty space beside Yuto,he couldn't just listen to him after he tried convincing him once. Yes, he knew the bed was fluffy, fluffy enough that he could be jumping and rolling on the bed whenever Yuto was out, working. "Nah, the couch is already comfy for me."

 

_ Ah, such a white lie. _

 

"Just sleep here, you won't regret it, trust me!" 

 

"But-"

 

"This is the first and the last chance you get to sleep on this bed, for  _ as long as you want _ ," said Yuto as he raised his eyebrows.

 

Yuto's offer sounded incredibly enticing, he might regret it if he rejected his offer. 

 

_ I truly, absolutely, and definitely hate this guy. _

 

"Fine." replied Yamada, as he quickly placed himself on the vacant side of the bed, strutting,  "But don't you  _ ever _ give me weird looks or stare at me while I sleep,"

 

"Why not?"

 

"Because I want to sleep, for fuck's sake! How can you even sleep with someone staring at you?"

 

"I can sleep with you staring at me," replied Yuto as he gave Yamada a playful wink, lips curving a kid's playful smirk. 

 

"Go stare at yourself for how long you want, I won't do it!" Yamada scolded, quickly lying on the bed while facing the other way as he pulled the blanket up to his face, trying to cover his flushed cheeks. "Don't talk to me, good night!"

 

_ This guy- _

 

"Aww, when I just about to stare at your cute face all night. Guess I'll just sulk all night."

 

"Yes, do it and stay outside the room." bellowed Yamada, still in the same position motionless. While the human took this chance to stare at his face for as long as he wanted with his body laying on his sides, his elbow supporting his head that was poking over Yamada’s, causing the angel to blush even more. 

 

"Ugh,stop it!" he scolded, but Yuto remained unaffected as he kept laying his eyes on Yamada.

 

The human had already smiling like an idiot upon seeing Yamada's reaction, wanting to tease him more, but as Yamada's ears were already beet red, he gave up the thought and proceed on sleeping. He didn't know what would happen if he did. The angel looked as if he was about to explode if he teased a bit more.

 

On the other hand, even if his figure seem calm and collected in Yuto's eyes, his heartbeat said no. His fingers were already cold but he didn't know why it did. Yamada pulled the blanket even higher to cover up his whole head, hoping that it would conceal his loud heartbeat but  _ damn _ , it didn't. 

 

Yuto had already been lying on the bed as Yamada could feel his back meeting his, causing an intense, uncomfortable feeling in his chest. This sensation, was similar to the first time he had it; back when Yuto showed him the Lily of the valley in his shop. The time when Yuto… 

 

_ "You're our hope, Yamada. So, don't ever say you're useless." _

 

_ Ba-dump _ . 

 

The memory that surfaced revived the exact feelings-- causing a stir in his heart when he was about to have his first comfortable and peaceful sleep and instead of shutting his eyes, Yamada had his eyes wide, unable to sleep. Hearing a soft snore coming from his side helped him to calm the beating down-- finally relaxed that someone won’t be monitoring his movements or reactions anymore. 

 

So he shifted his position, lying on his back since he had been sleeping in that position from the very first time he shut his eyes, to finally get a breather after having palpitations due to complex reasons that he couldn’t even grasp, before Yuto’s nose brushed against his cheek-- or  _ supposed _ to, but it went inside his left cheek-- causing him to shudder and covered his mouth from letting out a surprised scream.

 

Thankfully, the raven-haired man didn’t notice him shake nor noticed his shock as he didn’t budge-- his sleep left undisturbed. Yamada placed his hands on his chest, patting it as he heaved a relieved sigh while mouthing, "Thank god."

 

Glad that he didn't wake up for two reasons; if Yuto woke up, both of them would be in an awkward situation, or worse, that joker might tease him even more and for sure, the hot-tempered angel would be storming out of the room in an instant, thus, he won't be getting any comfy bed to sleep on that night.

 

He distanced himself, just a few inches away from Yuto, at least enough for him to toss and turn or at least enough to give himself a breathing space-- or he would be kissing the floor if he distanced any further. 

 

Yamada glanced over to his side, studying the peaceful sleeping face beside him; how Yuto’s long eyelashes beautify his eyes, how kissable his plump, pink lips were. The sight before him was… exquisite, enticing him to come over and kiss his lips; like the prince from Sleeping Beauty that kissed the love of his life to wake her up. 

 

Yet, they were not lovers. Just friends, just a human and angel that came from two different worlds and nothing more. A pleasant feeling that came rushing in his heart, crumpled by the sad thought, shattered to pieces. There were too many feelings being thrown into his heart that his brain couldn’t even decipher what was what, why did he feel that way because he never felt like this before. Even once.

 

His heart was confused, as he extended his hand, reaching out to the face that he seemed to dear to search for an answer. Maybe the answer lies from within the person before him, yet his fingers still passed through the figure-- even though he was desperate for an answer-- making his heart ache; like thousands of knives stabbing his chest. 

 

_ Do I love him? _

 

A question that he had been avoiding all this time appeared, loud and clear, but he still didn't have the answer. This might be love, might be a simple admiration but he didn't want to risk it, because once he stepped further, he couldn't go back to undo his mistakes, couldn't undo his feelings when it's brought to light. 

 

Slowly and hesitantly, he pulled his hand away, giving up the thought of touching the human's face even though he was reminded so many times that they could never touch each other, but he was too stubborn to accept the truth. 

 

There was the same pain again, the twinge of pain in his heart when Yuto couldn't touch him when he needed it the most. He held back the tears that pooled in his eyes as he was bewildered by his own feelings. 

 

_ What is this pain…? _

 

Yamada changed his position again, facing the couch outside the room as he tried closing his eyes again, emptying his mind from any matter, especially the agony that his heart bear when he looked at Yuto's face. 

 

Hopefully, the pain will heal tomorrow. 

 

\--

 

The light sound of clinking glass was the first thing he heard when he was awake from sleep, his side was empty when he patted the space beside him, eyes still closed when he did-- indirectly telling him that Yuto had already started his day. 

 

Waking up was something that he would never get used to-- when he was way too used living without shutting his eyes nearly his whole life. But it was a good change, his body was comfortable with the sensations that sleep gave when he wakes up; how uncomfortable feelings that dwelled before falling asleep just went away the moment when he opened his eyes, how fresh his body felt when he stretched his arms in the morning. It was a feeling that he would never feel if he had never been punished.

 

Thinking about it, this punishment seemed like a reward instead. Being a human seemed fun and rewarding in some way, where they could rest whenever they need to stop and have their own freedom to do whatever they want.  

 

“Yuto~” Yamada croaked, still lying on the bed with his eyes closed, “You’re already eating breakfast?”

 

“Hmm,” Yuto hummed a reply, mouth still chewing the food he cooked as he continued watching Mezamashi TV, eyes still glued to the screen.

 

Heavy-eyed, the angel slowly stood up, left the bed, before he started to stretch his arms in order to freshen his body up before starting the day. As he stepped out from the room, the human had already sat cross-legged while eating-- something that looked like instant macaroni-- on the couch, attention fully on the show. Yuto's morning hair was messy, with some hair strands poking out while his bangs covered his entire forehead. 

 

"Yamada, this guy's cute, don't you think?" asked Yuto, half-shouting when he saw Yamada walked into the room while rubbing his sleepy eyes to get his attention. 

 

His heart hurt a little, but he still squinted his eyes, trying to discern who was the person on the screen. "Who's this?"

 

"Inoo Kei. His mushroom hair looks good on him."

 

"Ew, can't your taste be any worse?"

 

"Excuse me, it's just you that don't have any taste in men," another scoop of macaroni shoved into his mouth.

 

"I'm  _ sorry  _ for being straight," replied Yamada as he rolled his eyes, but despite the sarcastic remark, he still placed himself next to the taller one and bobbed his head over the bowl Yuto was holding, "Instant macaroni?"

 

The taller one nodded, "Wanna try some?"

 

Yamada contemplated for awhile, twiddling his fingers as he think deeply before approving, "Sure."

 

He needn't to eat; that's the only angel's feature besides not bathing that he still possessed. Though, he had been wanting to eat macaroni since the first time he saw it-- including instant ones-- because it looked so appetizing in the eye, even though he didn't know whether he had taste buds or not since he never really went for a toilet break either his whole life, because he never ate anything or even think of eating. 

 

_ Wow, how did I never think of eating my whole life?-- oh, oh. I never really encountered one either, or interested of eating one. Old generation's food look less appetizing than the current ones. Except mochi. I think.  _

 

A spoonful of narrow-tubes pasta were scooped out as soon as he saw Yamada nodded, and when he wanted to take the spoon from Yuto's hands, the human insisted to feed him. "Just eat it! I'll feed you."

 

The angel had his mouth wide open, and Yuto tried to feed him before he pulled his head, reluctant, "You sure you didn't have your saliva dripping in that bowl?"

 

"Yes. But maybe there were some of my saliva on the spoon though." stated Yuto with a straight face, even though he knew how disgusted Yamada could be with that statement. 

 

"Ugh. That's disgusting," Yamada grimaced, pulling away his head from the spoon that Yuto held. 

 

"That's why people say, when you share drinks, it's as if you were kissing!!" Yuto exclaimed, excited, in order to tease the angel. His hands still holding the spoon in the air, waiting for Yamada to eat it. 

 

But the angel was in deep thought as he darted his eyes back and forth, from his twiddling fingers to the spoon that Yuto held. His brows drew together as his eyes met with Yuto's, eager for the shorter one to taste the macaroni for the first time. 

 

He regretted asking that question. Now, if he tried to eat it, Yuto might think he wanted the indirect kiss from him, plus… saliva? On the spoon? Kissing? He pondered about it for a while, trying to search for any correlation between the two, before he finally reached a conclusion.

 

Dang, he never thought kissing would be tasting the partner's saliva, he thought that kissing scenes in the dramas were just touching lips but it was more than just that?-- which already making him about to puke. Such a disgrace to his angelic lips. It was like adding germs to their mouth. Weren’t they worried about the consequences?

 

_ Uff, thinking about it has already giving me chills.  _

 

Thanks to that imagery, the macaroni on the spoon before him looked distasteful, and he didn't feel like eating it anymore. 

 

"No, thank you. Just eat it, I've lost my appetite."

 

"Why? This is once-in-a-lifetime!!" Yuto insisted, trying to feed Yamada with it again but his head instinctively avoided it.

 

"Still, no, thank you. I'll only eat the ones that you haven't eaten out of yet."

 

“You’re missing out on life.”

 

“I’m not even living, dumbass.”

 

Ignoring the reply from Yamada, he shoved the content back inside his mouth, purposely making his chewings loud-- in order to lure the angel to eat-- but unfortunately he didn’t fall for it, as the angel quickly left his side before he gazed to the clock on the wall. He squinted his eyes in order to see the hands of the clock clearly, before he waved his hands towards Yuto in alarm, warning “Yuto, you’re going to be late! It’s already 6:55!”

 

The macaroni that had been shoved into his mouth that was proceeding slowly to his throat suddenly stopped, stunned, "Wait, it was just 6 just now!!"

 

"Yeah, it  _ was,  _ not now. Hurry!"

 

In a rush, Yuto placed the bowl in the sink, with some leftovers that he didn’t have the leisure to finish it. Leaving it as it was in the sink, he intended to clean the bowl once he got back from work. The taller one rushed to his bedroom, his face display worry as Yamada caught a glimpse of his face before he closed his bedroom door. 

 

The angel could hear the sound of cupboard’s door being opened and the rustling sound of the sheets being shifted-- maybe tidying the bed-- before Yuto went out from the room with a pair of jeans and a white shirt paired with a cardigan after 15 minutes. Opposite to his morning look, his bangs were combed to the sides of his face, revealing his forehead which was usually the look that Yuto would go for whenever he went out.

 

Though, his face remained fixed, without any after-shower glow and that made Yamada started to doubt whether this man had already showered or not.

 

Yamada that was sitting on the couch when he waited for Yuto to get ready stood up right after he went out, wary of the taller one’s quick get-ready as he observed him from head to toe before asking, “Yuto, have you bathed?”

 

“Of course!” Yuto replied, steps rushing to the door, ready to get out, “Why?”

 

“I didn’t hear you opening the bathroom door.” uttered Yamada, as he followed his footsteps towards the front door. He had been accompanying Yuto at work since a few weeks ago since he had nothing to do at Yuto’s apartment besides cleaning and watching TV, leaving him with no choice but to follow him out. 

 

“I’ve showered right after I woke up, you clean freak.”

 

“Fine.”

 

And that was how the conversation ended as they went out. They stayed silent throughout the journey since the human was busy figuring his tasks when he reached the shop, fingers moving, counting something out of Yamada's knowledge. Most of the time, Yamada would stare out of the window when they were riding the train, feeling a little lonely since he had nobody to talk to. He couldn't help it, it was for Yuto's sake, and he didn't want to bother the human even more since his existence was already interfering with his life as a normal human. 

 

As he stared at Yuto that was busy in his own thoughts, Yamada wondered how his life would be without him. 

 

It was a moment or two before they reached their station, and the human had a glazed look on his face when they stepped out from the train, that the angel couldn’t decipher what was occupying his mind. Yamada always knew this serious side of Yuto whenever it comes to work, but today, he just felt… off. Either it was Yuto that made him feel that way or he did, but for all he knew-- he didn’t like it. 

 

They strode through the empty streets without uttering a single word to each other-- Yuto had his mind focused on reaching the shop on time while the angel was bothered by the unusual silence from Yuto but he wasn’t aware of it as his steps quick, causing difficulties for the angel to catch up. That made him feel even worse, even… irritated. He curled his lips as he continued catching up, breath quickened as he ran a little, hopefully that the taller one would notice that he was actually walking too fast but no-- he didn’t.

 

The shorter one sighed silently as his steps slowed down upon seeing the lack of reaction from Yuto, giving up on getting his attention away from his thoughts.

 

As soon as they reached the shop, Yuto quickly proceed with the work he had in mind, leaving the angel all alone with nothing to do. As usual, he sat on a chair beside the cashier, watching the human quickly approached a small room in the corner and pulled out a garden pliers.

 

“You’re going to cut a flower?” asked Yamada, had his head on the table, bored. Even though he knew so well that Yuto would be cutting a flower, especially with the small pliers in hand since he had been witnessing the same routine every single week. But seeing Yuto didn’t utter even a single word to him from the very first moment they reached the shop, he had to. Or the uncomfortable feeling inside his chest would hurt him even worse.

 

“Yeah, Yuko will be coming to pick her Camellia in any moment now. I need to hurry." Yuto finally replied, eyes still on the Camellias that he just cut as his brows knitted, figuring a way to arrange the flowers differently this week. His thumb was on his chin as he was in deep thought, before he quickly went to Yamada's side to arrange the flowers.

 

Right before Yamada opened his mouth to speak, to continue with the conversation that barely started, the front door's bell chimed, signing that a customer just entered. Yuto-- that had his facial expressions tense since they reached here-- curved the widest grin he could give, the tense from his face completely gone as the similar face came into view, "Welcome, Yuko! Wait, let me finish arranging the flowers for you."

 

"Sure, I'm not rushing today." she replied, lips curving into a beautiful smile. 

 

Yuto continued to wrap the flowers in a hurry before he brought the bouquet to her once he finished arranging it, chattering, "Oh, it's the school holidays, right?" and the conversation continued between the two of them-- like it was a normal thing to do. The regular customer never had been this friendly, nor talk a lot when Yuto gave her the flowers before this, but today, she seemed… more beautiful than usual; with lipstick smudged on her lips, her hair braided to her sides, how her dress swayed along with the winds. __

 

_ What was her motive? _

 

There was something building up in Yamada’s chest-- something like… rage. There was a heavy feeling stirring in his heart but he didn't know why he felt that way. He tried so hard to get Yuto's attention since this morning, but this person named Yuko-- without any effort or disappointment, could get his attention away and even occupied his mind this whole time and it somewhat made the uncomfortable feeling inside him intense. 

 

The way Yuto's eyes smiled as the bouquet changed hands and how she replied with the same gesture, happily talking about something that the angel couldn't hear. His feelings overwhelmed that it disrupted with his senses and rationality; unable to think clearly.

 

An empty clay vase, stacking up beside the cashier's table were taken into his hands as soon as he saw them. He could see the vase vibrated along with his anger-fueled quivered hands, scared of what might happen if he threw the vase away but it still didn't change his mind. There was a voice in his head that kept on telling him to throw it to the female and even though he told himself not to do it, the voice still convinced his mind better, thus… there he was, with a vase in hand. 

 

But before he could throw the vase away, it accidentally slipped out from his grip and fell to the ground, shattered into pieces-- just like his plan. 

 

"Ohmygod! What was that!?" Yuko shrieked, surprised with the sudden crash. 

 

Yuto turned his head towards the sound, had a worried look plastered across his face when he did-- just to find out Yamada was the culprit, judging by the shattered vase right in front of his feet as he retracted his eyebrows. Relieved that it was only Yamada, and not any dangerous animal that caused the ruckus. 

 

"It was just a vase. Don't worry birds always mess up with my vases. Haha." Yuto reassured, trying to divert her attention away from the vase's sudden crash before they continued talking for another while, completely forgotten about the vase.

 

The response that Yuto gave infuriated him, and the way she took the bait and continued talking happily made it even worse. He knew for sure his existence couldn't be seen with the naked eye and it's easy for humans to be ignorant towards their presence but as his anger built up, he wouldn't let this female go without acknowledging his presence. 

 

Stomping towards the group of flowers where Camellia was placed, the angel angrily seized the Camellia vases in hand before hurling those vases on the ground. As if he was hurling his feelings down as well, crashing near the customer’s feet. There was a rush of satisfaction that stayed for a little while when he saw her jumped out of surprise, before it evaporated when he saw the frown on Yuto’s lips.

 

This time, Yuto had to stop the conversation and make her leave the shop as soon as possible. He couldn’t expect what Yamada would do next if she stayed here for a little longer. The face in front of him displayed horror towards the Camellia vases that was shattered on the ground, the way it fell looked like it was thrown towards her but she didn’t know who did it, “Yuto, is this place… haunted?” she stammered, while looking around her to search for the culprit but failed.

 

“Nah, I’ve stayed here for two years. Sometimes squirrels do come here often and knock the vases out.” Yuto reassured, hoping his white lie seems relevant to her ears.

 

“Oh? In the middle of a city?” 

 

“Yeah. Sometimes though.” He replied, before he pretended to look around and saw the clock on the wall, trying to make an excuse for her to leave the shop as soon as possible before Yamada did anything worse. So, as he slightly pushed her back towards the front door, he mumbled, “Yeah, I think I have to close the shop for a minute since I have to clean all this mess up-”

 

“Oh, oh. Sure. I’ll be back!” she replied, completely unaware with Yuto’s hidden intention, “Good luck with cleaning!”

 

Yuto nodded, waving her goodbye as she left the shop with a smile on her face.

 

As soon as he closed the door behind him, he heaved a deep sigh. 

 

_ What’s wrong with Yamada? Why did he throw the flowers? _

 

Yuto noticed that Yamada was acting weird since they stepped out from the train, but he never thought he would react like this.

 

"Yamada, what's wrong? You alright?" asked Yuto worried after he locked the shop's door, not to let anyone barging in all of a sudden and caught him talking and shouting all alone.

 

Yamada kept on walking to the end of the path, hands folded, grumpy. Even though he didn't know why he felt that way, and just… plainly emotional right after he saw both Yuto and the female customer talking, after it had been so long that they only exchanged words like 'Camellia' and 'thank you' this whole time. 

 

He shouldn't feel this way, he didn't have the right to feel like this. Who was he in Yuto's world in the first place that he had the right to feel this way?

 

Yamada kept his lips pursed as he walked further away from Yuto, disappointed in himself as he walked further away, and the taller one rushed to his side, repeatedly asking if anything was wrong, but no answer. 

 

"Yamada-" Yuto walked faster, tried to reach his hands even though he knew he couldn’t but….

 

There was a touch- no, more like, a grip. 

 

On Yamada’s wrists.

 

_ Wait.  _

 

He tilted his head towards the taller one behind him, that also had his eyes wide by the unexpected touch.

 

"How did you-" 

 

Yamada couldn't finish his words as there was warmth grazing against his lips before he could even think about what was happening. His head went blank, unable to think straight. The sensation on his lips were foreign and weird, but he didn't know why but it felt… pleasant. All of the feelings he had for Yuto burned inside his chest, his jealousy melted down, until he had no energy to push him away, or to even think rationally. 

 

If his normal self would be hitting Yuto's shoulder right now-- he didn't. 

 

He liked it. 

 

The kiss was tender, slow and loving. The way Yuto held his face, the way his soft lips craved for more touch from him as he kissed his lips over and over-- Yamada couldn't help but to kiss him back, hands slowly moved from his sides to Yuto's cardigan, gripping it as they continued to plant a kiss on each other’s lips. Yuto stopped for a moment, surprised as he didn't anticipate the reply, but he kissed him again, harder. It was a bit sloppy at first, his pace was a bit slow, but Yuto didn't mind it and kissed him again until he finally gets it. 

 

Yuto's saliva on his lips was no longer disgusting-- or more precisely, he just didn't mind it anymore. The thoughts of how disgusting kisses were, evaporated as soon as their saliva intertwined. He never thought a kiss would be this mind blowing and could send him floating in the air, especially the kiss was from the person he desired the most. 

 

Yuto wanted this kiss for so long-- and Yamada could feel it on how Yuto captured his lips over and over, like a person embracing his loved one that he didn't meet for years, but his touch was delicate, like he was holding a fragile glass, afraid of breaking it. 

 

And for sure, Yuto didn't feel like that, alone. 

 

Slowly, both of them pulled out from the kiss, breathing hard as they opened their eyes, staring into each other's orbs. The taller one grasped his shoulders tightly, his eyes gleamed as he could feel the softness of Yamada’s skin against his, before pulling him into a tight embrace. The angel was too fazed with everything; from the touch, to the kiss, that his expression was blank when Yuto stared at his face the moment they pulled away from the kiss.

 

Yuto instinctively rested his head on Yamada’s when he wrapped his arms around him, enjoying each second he could hold him in his arms. Yamada could hear the human’s heartbeat, beating the same rhythm as his despite of their differences, as he rested his head on Yuto’s chest while curving a small smile. 

 

Relieved. That would be the perfect word to describe what he felt right now.

 

Yuto’s face was radiant the moment they pulled out from the hug, hands still gripping his shoulders when he asked, “Yamada, how-”

 

“I don’t know,” the shorter one replied before he could finish the question, “I don’t even understand what is happening,”

 

The human lowered his gaze,trying to discern the feelings that hid behind Yamada’s eyes, “is this- has any connection with-” Yuto stuttered, didn’t know how should he break the question to the angel, but instead of continuing, he changed to another indirect question, "You- why didn't you push me away?" asked Yuto again, stammering his words out. Nervous on what might come out from the angel's mouth. 

 

"I… don't know. I just--"

 

"Do you have... feelings for me?" 

 

Yuto finally got the question he wanted to ask so badly out of his chest and the angel dazed as soon as he heard the question. 

 

Yamada couldn't say anything, as he avoided Yuto's stare, hopefully he didn't have to answer but the taller one wouldn't let him go that easily, now that he could finally touch him.

 

The grip on his shoulders tightened, telling Yamada that Yuto was serious, and wanted an answer from him. He couldn't run away. 

 

"Yamada, look at me."

 

The shorter one slightly raised his head as their eyes met. He looked at him hesitantly, cheeks flushed even with his fixed expression. 

 

Yuto wanted him to calm down so he shifted his hands to Yamada's arms before rubbing it slowly, and thankfully the angel's breath started to slow down when he did that. 

 

“Is that why you threw the flower?” Yuto asked again, this time with a gentler approach in order not to hurt this fragile soul.

 

“I don’t know, I just felt so angry and I-”

 

His words stopped, he couldn’t continue.

 

“... and I?”

 

“I... “

 

“You felt… jealous?”

 

Yuto continued his sentence. There was no answer that  came out from the angel’s mouth as it was embarrassing to say it out loud, yet he slightly nodded, biting his lip nervously. 

 

The feelings that he had experienced made sense when Yuto asked; the foreign feelings dwelling inside his chest, the urge to touch the human before him, the crave for his attention, the rage he felt when he was with the woman-- it all made sense to his head now. 

 

He never thought he would be in love with someone, given that this was supposed to be a punishment-- but he did. 

 

“You should tell me sooner-”

 

“And how am I supposed to tell you, idiot! I shouldn’t be falling in love with you at the first place, god damn it. I couldn’t even think straight because of you!” Yamada snapped, frustrated with himself that he finally understood his own feelings after struggling with it for so long.

 

The taller one covered his gaped mouth as soon as he heard the answer, stunned by the unexpected reply. His hands stayed at the same place for a while, as if he was holding an urge down, “Yamada- don’t. I feel like kissing you again.”

 

“Ugh, then. What should we do with this awkward moment? I feel like kissing is the best choice.”

 

“Wow, you’re bold.  _ Way _ too bold,” uttered Yuto, but he still pulled Yamada closer to him until their foreheads touched, noses brushed, “but this would be enough for now,” Yuto continued as he closed his eyes, appreciating the coldness against his skin when he never thought that this day would ever come.

 

Yamada followed his gesture, smiled a little as soon as he could feel Yuto’s warm breath tickled against his skin. 

 

As he laced their fingers together, he murmured a reply, I think so too,”

 

This would be the first and the last kiss they might have but who knows what would happen next? When they never thought that they could touch-- they did. Too many times, they have tried to reach each other, but reality won’t let them. 

 

_ What was the meaning behind all of this? Was he mortal? Did he failed his mission?  _

 

But Yamada decided not to think about that… for now.


End file.
